Book Talk Home | Search Book Talk | Login | RSS
Not Logged in.
Book Jacket
The Comfort of Lies
"The characters crackle with both intelligence and wit." - Kirkus
More about this book
Author Biography

Caroline says that no one in her family resented her father for saving his deepest energies for his work - that they didn't confuse his love and his energy. Do you think this kind of parenting can work as well for mothers?

Created: 04/27/13

Replies: 15

Posted Apr. 27, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
admin

Join Date: 10/11/10

Posts: 368

Expert

Caroline says that no one in her family resented her father for saving his deepest energies for his work - that they didn't confuse his love and his energy. Do you think this kind of parenting can work as well for mothers?

On p. 82, Caroline describes her experience of her father's love, saying, "No one in the family resented that his deepest energies were saved for his work. They didn't confuse his love and his energy." Do you think the same kind of parenting style can be as effortlessly achieved by a mother? Must one parent be "stay-at-home" for this to work?


Posted May. 20, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
tillieh

Join Date: 04/28/11

Posts: 60

Expert

RE: Caroline says that no one in her family resented her father for saving his deepest energies for his work - that they didn't confuse his love and his energy. Do you think this kind of parenting can work as well for mothers?

No. I think both parents can successfully work and raise a family. There are many people who are single parents and work very hard. I think it is the quality of the time spent together and not the quantity that make the difference.


Posted May. 20, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
irisf

Join Date: 01/16/12

Posts: 56

Expert

RE: Caroline says that no one in her family resented her father for saving his deepest energies for his work - that they didn't confuse his love and his energy. Do you think this kind of parenting can work as well for mothers?

I think it can but in Caroline's case there was such indifference to savannah that it bordered on neglect. I was appalled to think that this woman who entered into this adoption with such ambivalence was given this child who others would've cherished.


Posted May. 20, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
mariannes

Join Date: 12/17/12

Posts: 121

Expert

RE: Caroline says that no one in her family resented her father for saving his deepest energies for his work - that they didn't confuse his love and his energy. Do you think this kind of parenting can work as well for mothers?

I agree that both parents can have demanding jobs and successfully raise a family. However, I think that's about all they can do without neglecting their kids.


Posted May. 20, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
tillieh

Join Date: 04/28/11

Posts: 60

Expert

RE: Caroline says that no one in her family resented her father for saving his deepest energies for his work - that they didn't confuse his love and his energy. Do you think this kind of parenting can work as well for mothers?

I agree with irisf. I was just as appalled at Caroline's lack of interest in a child that others would have embraced with vigor. As a woman who desperately wanted children and couldn't have any, I cherished the ones I was given through adoption and marriage. If she felt that she couldn't be a good mother, she should never have agreed to the adoption in the first place.


Posted May. 20, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
norahp

Join Date: 04/27/13

Posts: 19

RE: Caroline says that no one in her family resented her father for saving his deepest energies for his work - that they didn't confuse his love and his energy. Do you think this kind of parenting can work as well for mothers?

I thought Caroline's complicated response to Savannah also shed some interesting light on her marriage. What do you think her inability to do what tillieh suggests tells us about the relationship (especially the communication) between Caroline and her husband?


Posted May. 20, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
tillieh

Join Date: 04/28/11

Posts: 60

Expert

RE: Caroline says that no one in her family resented her father for saving his deepest energies for his work - that they didn't confuse his love and his energy. Do you think this kind of parenting can work as well for mothers?

She was too insecure to admit her feelings up front to her husband. The fact that she was such an accomplished woman in her work should have given her strength, but I think she wanted something more out of her life but just didn't know how to go about it and was too insecure in her own feelings to reach out more.


Posted May. 21, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
pate

Join Date: 03/15/13

Posts: 11

RE: Caroline says that no one in her family resented her father for saving his deepest energies for his work - that they didn't confuse his love and his energy. Do you think this kind of parenting can work as well for mothers?

I think it can work for mothers, and I think in many real life situations it has, but there has to be communication of love from mother to child, and I think the child needs to feel that love. From the very beginning Caroline showed indifference towards Savannah. That is sometimes hard to understand if you are the mother who truly wants to be a mother. I guess, rather than feeling anger towards Caroline, I felt extremely saddened by her response to being a mother, especially since I had always wanted to be a mother and was thrilled to have three children to raise. I do agree with tillieh that insecurity was a big part of her feelings about motherhood and at the end of the book, I sense that Caroline understands herself much more and may be headed in a better direction.


Posted May. 21, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
dorothyt

Join Date: 04/10/11

Posts: 102

Expert

RE: Caroline says that no one in her family resented her father for saving his deepest energies for his work - that they didn't confuse his love and his energy. Do you think this kind of parenting can work as well for mothers?

I don't think Caroline's work is the problem, it is her attitude toward Savannah and her husband. I wondered as I was reading this if she agreed to the adoption in the first place to please her husband. Would she have felt differently toward a child of her own?


Posted May. 22, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
norahp

Join Date: 04/27/13

Posts: 19

RE: Caroline says that no one in her family resented her father for saving his deepest energies for his work - that they didn't confuse his love and his energy. Do you think this kind of parenting can work as well for mothers?

dorothyt, you should check out the thread here: http://www.bookbrowse.com/booktalk/messages.cfm?threadid=12D02024-5056-A34B-62AAE8D730C1C52F where that exact question is being discussed!


Posted May. 22, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
dorothyt

Join Date: 04/10/11

Posts: 102

Expert

RE: Caroline says that no one in her family resented her father for saving his deepest energies for his work - that they didn't confuse his love and his energy. Do you think this kind of parenting can work as well for mothers?

norahp: Thanks--I hadn't read that far down yet.


Posted May. 22, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
bestmartin's Gravatar
bestmartin

Join Date: 02/20/13

Posts: 14

RE: Caroline says that no one in her family resented her father for saving his deepest energies for his work - that they didn't confuse his love and his energy. Do you think this kind of parenting can work as well for mothers?

I agree with Tillieh. I do think men get off much easier when they don't show up consistently. Women often have more guilt and expectations to meet. Still I find it hard to believe that no one resented her father.


Posted May. 24, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
kristi

Join Date: 04/21/11

Posts: 5

RE: Caroline says that no one in her family resented her father for saving his deepest energies for his work - that they didn't confuse his love and his energy. Do you think this kind of parenting can work as well for mothers?

That passage really resonated with me. It does seem that men have more "permission" to devote their creative energies to work, where women are often criticized for doing so.


Posted May. 29, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
dianed's Gravatar
dianed

Join Date: 09/14/11

Posts: 11

RE: Caroline says that no one in her family resented her father for saving his deepest energies for his work - that they didn't confuse his love and his energy. Do you think this kind of parenting can work as well for mothers?

Since I'm from an older generation, I have to say that most fathers' careers came first, when I was growing up. My father was rarely home till after we'd all finished our dinner, and at one point he went to South America for 6 months; I know he was missed by my mother, but we were used to him not being there, and I never felt close to him. Even during the time we were raising our kids, husbands didn't take as much part in that as they do today. I commend the men of today who get involved in their kids' lives and spend more time with their wives.

My mother worked for years, but she was involved with all of us. I don't know if that's true of all women, but I know many who have done both...and well.


Posted Jun. 02, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
pennyn's Gravatar
pennyn

Join Date: 10/21/10

Posts: 23

RE: Caroline says that no one in her family resented her father for saving his deepest energies for his work - that they didn't confuse his love and his energy. Do you think this kind of parenting can work as well for mothers?

I commend the men of today. Sadly my adopted mother didn't work after marriage. I think my adoptive father went along with the adoption to give my mother something to do.


Penny
Posted Jun. 02, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
kathym

Join Date: 09/14/11

Posts: 12

RE: Caroline says that no one in her family resented her father for saving his deepest energies for his work - that they didn't confuse his love and his energy. Do you think this kind of parenting can work as well for mothers?

Someone said if you if you can't be a good mother you shouldn't choose to be one. But who knows that before having a child, whether birth or adoptive? Besides, who defines a good mother? Perhaps she was just an unaffectionate person who struggles showing emotions. She was going through many of the same emotions many of us do.


Reply

Please login to post a response.