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The Comfort of Lies
"The characters crackle with both intelligence and wit." - Kirkus
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Do you believe that women cheat for the same reasons as men?

Created: 04/27/13

Replies: 8

Posted Apr. 27, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
admin

Join Date: 10/11/10

Posts: 369

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Do you believe that women cheat for the same reasons as men?

On p. 219 and 252-253, Nathan explains why he cheats. Do you believe that women cheat for the same reasons as men? Consider Caroline’s relationship with Jonah. Why do you think she stops herself when she does—and did she still cross a boundary she should not have?


Posted May. 20, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
janeh

Join Date: 06/15/11

Posts: 102

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RE: Do you believe that women cheat for the same reasons as men?

No I don't, and that's probably the crux of the story here. It's hard to generalize as certainly every situation and person is different, but for the most part I think women look outside the marriage when they are feeling unappreciated, invisible and not a viable part of a relationship. Men I think are sometimes drawn into a situation through lust, sometimes through their feelings of inadequacy and their need to find someone who doesn't know them as well and who will just give them adoration without responsibility. Probably both groups feel more "sexy" in the heat of the first few meetings of an illicit relationship, but for an "affair" to go beyond that means there are usually deeper problems in the primary relationship. It's hard to maintain the vitalness of a relationship when the responsibilities of daily life are in front of you every day. It takes a real commitment to recognize these are important needs too and to give them the position they need in a couple's day-to-day schedule... especially after children come along to add additional responsibilities.


Posted May. 20, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
tillieh

Join Date: 04/28/11

Posts: 60

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RE: Do you believe that women cheat for the same reasons as men?

In many ways, yes. Women and men both cheat as a means to get something out of a relationship that they are not getting in their present situation. Women can get just as caught up in the lust of the moment as well as seeking someone who looks at them with more caring and appreciation than they are getting at home. Same for men.


Posted May. 20, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
peg

Join Date: 08/11/11

Posts: 29

RE: Do you believe that women cheat for the same reasons as men?

it is hard to know. i think both sexes cheat for a variety of reasons: not enough attention, ego fulfillment, lust, stupidity. it is hard to know which sex leans more toward one motive than the other. i do feel though that men are more accepting of their indiscretions that women are of theirs....again the double standard. i also feel men are less able to heal a relationship after a wondering wife than women are men. again, double standard and perhaps more weight on the woman of her family obligations, financial conditions etc.


Posted May. 22, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
mariannes

Join Date: 12/17/12

Posts: 170

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RE: Do you believe that women cheat for the same reasons as men?

I think men and women cheat for the same basic reasons, except that I think men are more likely to cheat to show off for their friends. Nathan didn't seem to have a reason for cheating other than lust. I think a lot of people don't think cheating is all that wrong, which I don't understand.


Posted May. 29, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
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dianed

Join Date: 09/14/11

Posts: 14

RE: Do you believe that women cheat for the same reasons as men?

I have no idea, but I do think men are less likely to be forgiving of a cheating wife than a wife is of a cheating husband.


Posted Jun. 04, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
sarahh

Join Date: 03/05/12

Posts: 13

RE: Do you believe that women cheat for the same reasons as men?

Men cheat to feel powerful, virile even (sexual), women cheat to feel seen and cared for (emotional). Which of course is a dramatic generalization, but the root is the same, there is a feeling they don't have in their current relationship. But to need they are meeting is different for men and women, and ultimately for the each individual.


Posted Jun. 05, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
amberb

Join Date: 07/28/11

Posts: 33

RE: Do you believe that women cheat for the same reasons as men?

I agree with many others - and again with the dramatic generalizations, men often seem to cheat for more "physical" reasons, while women seem to cheat for "emotional" reasons.

Neither my husband or I have ever cheated, but I also agree with dianed - many men may forgive their wives, but wives tend not to forgive their husbands! My husband is a guy very much 'in control' of his emotions and his body - therefore if he were ever to cheat, I would feel like it was really intentional - not a 'heat of the moment' kind of thing, and I don't know that I could forgive him. On the other hand, I am pretty rational (but more emotional than he is), and I don't have nearly as much willpower as he does. I have never cheated and am completely committed to NEVER cheating, but if I were to, I think he might be able to forgive me and move past it.

mariannes, I don't understand how some think that it's not "all that wrong" to cheat either - I don't think I could get past that!


Posted Jun. 08, 2013 Go to Top | Bottom | link | alert
arielf

Join Date: 04/22/11

Posts: 18

RE: Do you believe that women cheat for the same reasons as men?

Basically. I think that men and women cheat on their partners because they are seeking something that the relationship is not providing. Is the reason the same for both men and women, the answer is no.


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