Lily and Noelle have a particularly difficult relationship. How do sibling relationships change as people get older? Are some siblings simply not meant to get along?
Join Date: 10/11/10
Join Date: 04/14/11
It sure seems that way. But also it seems like people grow up, leave the nest, make their own way in the world but when they get back home in the family setting, people seem to fall back into the roles they played when they were growing up and all living together.
Join Date: 04/14/11
I agree with Cynthia and I see it played out over and over in my own family. We all live totally different lives but when we get together, we end up back in the roles that we played as children - it never really changes -- and we are all in our 60s now.
Join Date: 06/16/11
Having grown up as the 6th of 8 children I seemed to be treated as one of the little kids for much of my adult life whenever I was back in whole family get together situations. Only now, when I am a grandmother to adult children do my older siblings sort of look at me as their equals. I don't think the fact that all of us ended up living very different lives in lots of different places ever leveled the playing field so to speak. As far as whether some siblings are just not meant to get along, I would have to agree that to a certain extent that was true in my family. As I was the youngest girl I was always treated as baby sister and really got along fine with everyone but there were a couple of serious problems of getting along among my siblings. Since I always lived a very long way from all of them and was only around the whole group infrequently I have always felt that may be the reason why I really didn't have any problem with any of them and they always treated me well.
Join Date: 07/28/11
Siblings are people first, not siblings. People differ and we don't get along with everyone. As siblings get older, they develop their own personalities and opinions and will not get along with siblings that differ from their core beliefs.
Join Date: 04/21/11
I am the oldest of three girls, approximately four years apart. My poor sisters suffered from my jealousy, mainly the middle sister, throughout my years until I left home at 20. I was a terrible teaser, often cruel. Today, much to my thankfulness, the past is forgotten. Or at least in the background and not often raises its ugly head. We are all kind to each other, talk a couple times a month, support each other, and I consider them my best friends. Go figure!
Join Date: 09/16/11
I think that Marilyn's mothering skills contributed to the friction between the two sisters. It is difficult to "kiss and make up" in the adult years if the same influences are present. I have observed families where the siblings don't become friends until after the parents are gone. That might be a possibility for Lily and Noelle.
Join Date: 04/11/11
Some relationships grow better over the years. I have a female sibling 7 years my junior and I have much more in common with her than my brother who is only3 years younger than me. Part of it may be the difference in the sex of the sibling, but much of it is the way my sister and I think is more similar. As for siblings not getting along, you see that all the time where some cannot get over the differences in how they were treated when they were younger. Some parents and some siblings want no change in relationships of childhood because they don't know how to relate to a grown up sibling. Much of that is fostered early I think in how parents treat each child .
Join Date: 04/21/11
Reading what Retired Reader, NE wrote about mothering skills, certainly made me think of the timing of my sister relationships. And yes, it has to be what I and my two sisters experienced. My mother was shocked that I was not loving to my younger sisters, nor that my middle sister and our youngest sister did a lot of picking at each other. So although she had been a first-grade teacher, I don't believe her skills were developed to grasp the sister situation. Our good relationship developed after her death so no need to go figure!
Join Date: 08/23/11
Often sibling relationships improve with maturity and especially as some have said, once the parents are gone and the siblings need to rely on each other more. However, as in my own experience, hurts suffered from childhood seem to linger on in the relationship. Sometimes even though you are siblings you are so different in personality and life experience that you can never find a way to be close in adulthood. Noelle was very different from her sisters even as a young girl and those differences appeared to be hard to overcome even as she felt she wanted to be closer to them by the end of the story.
Join Date: 05/12/11
Siblings, being individuals, are going to have their own unique personality. And with any relationship there will be personalities that just do not get along. This is not saying they were not "meant" to get along, just that their personalities do not lend them to being close friends. When siblings are young they are forced to be together. Then as adults they have the choice to be together or lead separate lives. I know that I am so radically different from my siblings that distance is best for us.
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