Why was Farzad unable to express his feelings for Amineh?

Toward the end of the novel, Amineh reads Farzad’s journal and discovers he did, indeed, love her. Why do you believe he couldn’t express his feelings to her, while Patrik could? Why do you feel Amineh didn’t understand that her husband valued her?

I think cultural constraints played a huge role. Farzad felt the need to be a "manly" Islamic man and performed according to cultural expectations -- which discouraged the expression of such emotions.

I felt like Farzad had mixed feelings about Amineh and a woman's place in his world. He clearly wanted what was the expectation for married women - care of the home & family, mothering the children and meeting the husband's needs - but he also worked closely with a women whose talents he respected and seemed pleased at Amineh's interest in his work as well as her own in the beginning. The contrast between Farzad's expression of emotions with those of Patrik (discounting the romantic) was stark and perhaps meant to highlight the cultural differences and how Amineh was stuck between them.

I think Farzad was a man of his culture and time. Men of his generation were raised to be strong and silent and then add to the mix the misogyny that prevails in his culture, so I wouldn't have expected Farzad to have been open. I agree with another person above, Farzad may have had mixed feelings about Amineh but his journal at the end does reveal his love. He just couldn't say it. This is why communication is so important in a relationship.

I don't know that I fully believe Farzad really loved and appreciated Amineh. His actions and words towards her didn't align with someone who adores their spouse. Although he may have written positively in his journals and told others he adored her, throughout the course of the marriage the book portrayed him as distant, uninterested and aloof about her.

I think the Islam culture limited Farzad's ability to be compassionate.

I too, did not believe in the sincerity of the journals.
Why would the author write that? Why would she want the readers to have sympathy for Farzad? He was a man of his time and culture and stature. He needed a wife for cultural appearances, not because he wanted someone to love.
I struggled with several plot points, especially this one.

I personally didn't find it a stretch. I had the same thing happen in my marriage. Many years ago I went on a religious retreat where loved ones secretly sent notes of encouragement to the participants. As the letters were being passed out, I was certain my husband didn't care about me and wouldn't have bothered. He did, however, and the note said things he'd never been able to express to me in our 12 years of marriage. I absolutely *sobbed* when I learned he really did care about me (still do every time that note turns up). We still got divorced a few years later, but it meant a lot.

So, I think it's reasonable that Farzad would write such an entry in his journal.

And you have to remember that the pre-revolution culture was pretty liberal, and he didn't support those who overthrew the Shah. In addition, he had a lot of contact with Western cultures so he could well have picked up some of their expectations. Unfortunately we really didn't get into Farzad's head much, but I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I think part of it was the expectations his culture put on him, he also was use to being charge in his family (taking care of his sister) and though his sister would push back on his rules and then they would have a compromise solution, so this was what he expected also from his wife.
I also think it was part of his nature not express his emotions so openly.

I think culture played a big role in the way Farzad presented himself. I also think he might have been a little guarded because of his involvement in government issues and maybe he thought he could get killed and not be around to take care of Amineh or want her to get involved, it is hard to say why some people have such a difficult time expressing emotions.

I agree with kimk and others—Farzad deserves understanding. His complexity is not merely a plot point.

First of all—he was a man, and even in America and other Western cultures, there still exists a norm that men don’t express their emotions. That hasn’t completely changed—and in Farzad’s Iran, like the US today, men were dealing with “mixed messages” about masculinity.

Second, Amineh did not consistently encourage Farzad to be more open; she was full of her own self-doubts and suspicions. She seems to have buried her feelings as much as he did.

And third, there was a lot of political upheaval going on, while like so many families, they had to deal with the challenges of raising children, experiencing loss, coping with major threats to their livelihood and well-being. Both were often preoccupied.

It makes sense that a thoughtful, engaged, intelligent man, himself a writer, would channel into his journals what he could not express directly to his wife. (While Amineh channeled her feelings into her cooking…)

I believe Farzad was limited in his ability to express feelings and affection because of the culture in which he was raised. And although he felt Amineh was intelligent and capable, he thought of her more as a traditional wife. It was only after he faced his own mortality that he could fully express his feelings and love for his wife and family.

Before their marriage, Farzad did express his affection for Amineh, but she was still concerned that his strong personality would consume her. He expressed interest in her book, but she did not appreciate that and allowed the book to languish for far too long. A man with a great passion to save the world cannot give constant attention to his wife and family. Amineh knew this from the beginning.

The author tells us clearly that Farzad was not traditional or religious...and he was educated at Oxford. I do not think that any of his supposed lack of attention to his wife was due to his culture. He should not have married...or should have married Mehar.

But Amineh also had an excellent education, finally matured, came to terms with her grandmother's cruelty, was able to join her husband in his endeavors, ultimately understanding that she was important to him. This was in spite of his spending so much time with Mehar, an exceptional and beautiful woman who loved him and shared his passion.

Farzad's appeal was not just his personality but also his attractive family which Amineh wanted, it seems, as much as she wanted him. And the family wanted her also.

It is my feeling that this young wife was given everything that Farzad could, given the circumstances. It is somewhat trite to comment that marriage takes work in the best of circumstances and Amineh's circumstances were really very good. She was materially secure, and had all the cooking ingredients she needed.

I think it's always good to remember who was the author - a man...