Kanigel feels that his parents taught him that "Some parts of life had weight and worth, others you could ignore." Do you think his parents did him a disservice? How did your parents influence you?

The author says that there were activities he never experienced, like dancing, because they were simply unimportant to his parents. He felt they taught him that "Some parts of life had weight and worth, others you could ignore" (p. 144). Do you think his parents did him a disservice? What was important or unimportant to your parents, and how did this influence you?

I dont think they did him a disservice, they provided guidance. It was important to my Mom to be kind, accepting and non-judgmental. I try very hard to live that way. My Dad had a very strong work ethic. That had huge impact on my career and how I approach life.

No. I do not. That’s what parents do - tell us what is important and what is not. Since all our parents are diverse, this message differs by parent.

There are a couple of interesting fascets to this question. First, his parents didn't actually tell him anything; they simply had their own interests and ignored the subjects that had no appeal. And he DID develop his own interests - he played baseball and was a baseball fan, in spite of the fact that his parents didn't seem to feel sports were important. ("My parents didn't dismiss sports and athleticism as unworthy; but such things didn't matter to them.")

The other interesting thing to me is that while he seemed to love and appreciate his parent, he also seemed to blame them for the things he saw as failings in himself.

So, I don't think his parents did him a disservice, but I think he believes they did.

I do think parents accidentally instill a sort of predisposition in their children for some things. In my household it was music, and both my sister and I majored in the subject at college. Reading, too, was important, particularly to my dad. They never mentioned either as important - that's just the way things were. But there were other things that I developed independently from my parents - for example I was very religious when literally no one else in the family had an interest in spirituality.

Well I think we all do that, but the problem for him was that he tried to follow his parents' formula and it didn't work for him. We need to find our own paths with weight and worth.

I agree with the others who posted, especially Kimk who noted the same thing I did—-he blamed his parents for his feelings and responses. I grew up in a very devout family, and my mother cared nothing about the things so important to teenage girls. If I asked about clothes, makeup, hair, etc., her consistent response was “you always look good to me.” While I was often frustrated, her sentiment was so very positive and accepting. I think Kanigel needed more real attention from his parents that he felt he received.

I think Kanigel had some interesting parents who were maybe a bit more hands off than parents should be, in my opinion. I didn't get a vibe that they were particularly interested in things he always was; they seemed more wrapped up in themselves. But with that said, parents have a big influence on how we, their children, view them and they definitely have an influence on our feelings. I grew up in a strict Catholic home where as a young girl certain things were simply not allowed - most of the time I felt I should be afraid of my shadow. I think this made me a bit rebellious and influenced me to skirt convention at time but when I became a parent I tried to modulate the strictness (it's important to have norms and expectations I believe) with being accessible to my children and open to know them their needs and expectations.

I don’t think his parents did a disservice even though he painted his parents as being somewhat focused “on their show” (p. 38) and their interests and habits. I think kimk is correct about the author’s belief that his parents did him a disservice.
He mentioned his mother worked on her degree in English, that literature, poetry, history, etc. were the real business of life. His dad had a number of interests that he shared with his son. His parents found other ways for Rob to experiences separate from his parents such as attending Boy Scouts, riding a bike, summer camp, etc.
I thought he sometimes sounded a bit petulant for not taking the opportunity to fill in the gaps he found in his life. At times he seemed content to drift along and not really develop goals for his life such as when deciding what to do after graduation or developing a plan to be a writer. It struck me odd that he had a lot of exposure to literature and poetry at home and did reasonably well in English class at RPI but then seemed to accidentally fall into writing.

No, I don't agree with him. It's easy to blame your parents for what you perceive as their parenting; but, that often fails to take into account that your parents were young, human and had influences in their childhood that formed them and their approach to parenting. I firmly believe that parents do the best they know how to do. Since I am the same age as Kanigel, it seems odd to me that he has not reached this or a similar conclusion with maturity.