Do you feel Brid and Kaleb should have realized Bernie was having a tough time? How does one know when a friend or family member is hurting?

Bernie feels abandoned by the adults around her. "Wasn't anyone going to look out for me? Didn't anyone realize what I was going through?" she asks herself. Do you feel Brid and Kaleb should have realized Bernie was having a tough time? How does one know when a friend or family member is hurting?

I found this to be one of the most unbelievable parts of the book. How could they not be concerned about Bernie and how could they not recognize her pregnancy over a period of several months??

I was also surprised about that, especially her mother. But then again, maybe Brid knew something was up with Bernie but decided to put up blinders.

Yes, of course, they "should" have realized, but both were pretty self-absorbed with their own problems. I think Kaleb also spent almost all his spare emotional energy taking care of Brigid - who needed lots of help and care.

Given the circumstances of this book, it is difficult to see how they woud not have seen Bernie’s problems. However, I think it is normal for parents to think that their children could not possibly be “one of those.” Knowing when a friend or family member is hurting is sometimes very difficult as we all seem to want to hide our hurts, somehow, believing that it is a weakness or even shameful, to have them, First, it takes close contact and sometimes those suffering things such as depression, deliberately limit that so they are not “found out.” Then, it takes awareness of the symptoms and not everyone is well versed in those.

Yes, This family wasn't much of a family in my opinion. Each one was totally absorbed in their feelings and reactions to every event, instead of collectively holding up each other through conflict. Probably it was the times in which they lived, but the mother's unflinching hatred seemed to consume her, blinding her to the possibilities of others feelings and needs. As the "head" of the family, she created the atmosphere.

It's also sad that Mia wasn't there for her either. Mia rejects her when she tells her she loves her - only to call her for support when her brother Riley tries to kill himself.

It's true that Mia was overwhelmed (like apparently most all the characters in this book), but it's sad that even in her pain, Bernie was there for Mia, but not vice versa.

Also, in terms of family members being abandoned to suffer their pain alone, we also have Tad - an almost throw-away character. We're told almost nothing about him - other than that he's gay and thus he incurs the wrath/disgust of his parents (although Aoife's disgust may have more to do with his uselessness in the "struggle.")

Absolutely, but Brid was dealing with her own overwhelming issues, and Kaleb was trying so hard to keep her together, that there wasn't much left over for Bernie. Not an excuse, but more a thought on reality.

I felt that Brid had all she could do to take care of herself. As a retired teacher, I was sad that no teacher saw a difference in Bernie. Bernie had developed some excellent coping skills developed from years of taking care of her mom. It was sad that no one stepped up to take care of her.

Yes. Her mother was self absorbed and hiding her secrets. She was modeling that behavior to her daughter. It’s difficult to confide in someone who won’t share with you. I thought Kaleb might notice but he had his hands full keeping Brid going. Being a good listener and observer as well as availability are skills needed to notice someone else is struggling. Some people are very good at hiding their pain and sadness. Keeping are ears eyes and hearts open are important if we are to help those struggling with life.

Yes, they should have noticed , but it was unlikely. Brid was a self absorbed addict and Kaleb was superficial, Meanwhile, all Bernie wanted was someone to care or notice her.

Parents are people too! With Brid going through a mental health crisis and Kaleb having his own stuff to deal with, I don't think it's surprising they weren't aware of Berinie's issues.

I do agree with what has been written above. It’s hard to see in a household that operates under a vale of secrecy and deceit. Others on the outside may have seen Bernies struggle, but would Brid have listened and responded appropriately?

This is a tough one. Most parents know their children well, but when someone is depressed, I think they get very absorbed and can't really help others. Brid does take her to the spa. I'm glad the secrets finally came out and they talked. So much could be avoided if secrecy and shame weren't part of family dynamics.

Yes, but unlike many readers I can see this happening in a disfunctional family especially when everyone appears to be self absorbed, almost living together as roommates rather than interacting and communicating a loved ones. I also believe mothers most often have significant role in creating the family dynamics. She seemed to be consumed with hatred thus creating a family dynamic of self absorbed individuals that do not reflect on other's feelings or emotional needs.

They should have but given that Brid was so dysfunctional and caught up in her own depression and anxiety, it is easy to see why she did not focus on Bernie's needs. Kaleb did not seem to be a full member of the family.

I think that Bernies age says the most about this topic...teenagers can be so secretive and when I was that age, would go for days without even seeing my own parents. Pair that with the fact that Brid had her own emotional issues and was pretty self absorbed in her own misery. Kaleb is a man, and they are often times not the most perceptive...I know that is a sexist remark, but in my experience, it seems to be true. Yes, in a perfect family, with perfect family relationships, they probably should have been more concerned about Bernie, but I think some times in real life, things get overlooked.