Valentina thinks, “There are different kinds of suffering…The kind that takes you by surprise and the kind you live with so long, you stop noticing it.” Do you agree with her?

Valentina thinks, “There are different kinds of suffering…The kind that takes you by surprise and the kind you live with so long, you stop noticing it.” Do you agree with her? What examples can you think of in the context of The Familiar? Are there other instances where you’ve seen this play out in today’s world?

I guess I might compare this with the suffering brought about by illness--you might have a chronic illness with a level of pain or disability that you get used to in time, versus an accident that is unexpected.

absolutely. our minds can adapt to persistent conditions, whether positive or negative -- so I can see how long term suffering can become something you could "stop noticing". I dont think it means it's any less significant, but it be perceived as less intense or aggravating. a "surprise" suffering might seem more jarring in the fact that it causes a more immediate painful response and feeling because it was unexpected.

Yes, I am in total agreement. We are all products of our environments for better or for worse.

It’s like the boiled frog. Slowly the heat is turned up little by little until the frog doesn’t know it’s dead. Relationships are like that.

I love the boiled frog analogy! Haven’t heard that before but it sure rings true.
I think with acute suffering, the mind has to cope with two things…the object of the suffering and the real pain of shock.
I believe you must first work through the shock before tackling the suffering. I think that is what PTSD is all about

Yes, there are many facets of suffering; some may be physical, some mental. Long term illnesses, poverty becoming homelessness, spousal arguments becoming spousal abuse, war leaving its emotional trauma, politics running amuck and dividing a nation, or nations. The symptoms may have been there but recognition of them could take a while, and acceptance even longer.

I think that she is very observant with this comment. I do believe that suffering can fall into either of these categories. If there is an extended period of suffering- be it physical, mental, or other- you do stop noticing it. It has just becomes a numbness to the mind. Prolonged wars or strife in an area can be an example of this. the stress it causes can become a background thought if things go on long enough. Long term illness/long term caregiving can also come under the later type of suffering.

I am glad someone brough up the boiling frog analogy in this! I thought about that in regards to this quote as well.

Indeed I do! I think suffering is multi faceted. Even though two of them are mentioned in this quote, I think there are other kinds as well. I was going to use the same example courtneyp shared - wars. We have a friend that has been housing refugees from Ukraine. At first they were so traumatized to be away from home leaving behind those they loved to fight, but as the war has continued one of the refugees has returned home to start college in the middle of the war. She is not letting what is still happening around her stop her from fulfilling her life goals. Resiliency run deeps. Also appreciate dove12 shared the frog analogy.

Absolutely, we get used to daily life and for some, circumstances are not always that great but we survive and carry on.

Until Valentina came into her own, namely when she realizes her own self-worth, strength and character excellence, she suffered under her husband's indifference and her parents' lack of love toward her. She was petty and struck out at servants and those she believed were beneath her.

Yes, I do agree with her. Humans become conditioned to our circumstances. What bothers us in the beginning, fades with time. But the underlying suffering never does. Valentina woke up from her stupor to find herself in an untenable place. She found her self worth and fought for a new life, unwilling to continue on as before. Sometimes it takes a moment of clarity to see what we have ignored. The moment in the woods with the horse was Valentina's moment.