Why do you think people cheat on their spouses?

William had many affairs. Lucy had hers. Now their daughter, Chrissy, was thinking of having one. Why do you think people cheat on their spouses? Is it all about loss, as Lucy's therapist once suggested, or are there other circumstances to consider?

Wow. That's a tricky question. Why indeed? Boredom, mid-life crisis, lack of attention from their spouse ( hate this one.) Honestly, I don't know and look forward to read what others think.

I don't understand why. Sometimes I think it is just an ego trip to prove to themselves that they are desirable. Most affairs don't seem go anywhere.

I believe often people get married when they are too young and as they grow older they change and grow apart. Then they will have an affair as someone else seems more desirable and then the marriage is broken. Sometimes people realize they are not happy and look for someone else.

All the reasons given above by other readers. There are probably as many reasons as there are couples. It takes a lot of give and take and many are not ready for that.

Like Olivia Dukasis said in her character in "Moonstruck" (the movie), men cheat because they fear death. William chooses to save the lives of his ex, his daughters. Then he tries to re-connect the scattered pieces (people) of his past'

P. 282, "Becka continued, And you know the saying: Women grieve, and men replace."
This quote is a nice segue to Wendy A's, reference to the statement Olivia Dukasis made in "Moonstruck", men cheat because they fear death. Both Olivia and Becka observe male reactions to either the loss of another and/or dealing with the reality of their own mortality.

As noted by Reene, there are a lot of reasons why people cheat.

I think some affairs happen because males or females need/want to prove that they are attractive and vital. And some may argue that biologically monogamy is not even realistic. Sadly affairs often result in pain for families and impact the ability of those affected to trust others and/or make romantic commitments.

The “more” factor, whatever a person wants more of, that they’re not getting in their current relationships.

I think people cheat for a number of reasons including:

-they are not happy in the relationship and cannot tell you and would rather cheat so it’s a way out of the relationship
-they are addicted to the thrill of cheating and possibly being found out
-they didn’t see it as cheating - example if in their head for example, calling hotline numbers is not cheating because they don’t know the person, will never meet them and cannot see them - everyone has their idea of what things are classed as cheating
-their needs are not being met so they go and find it somewhere else but still want to be with you.

That’s a very good question. There must be so many reasons and the ones given by previous comments are many of them. In a marriage people either grow together or grow apart. Marriage takes work and lots of patience, respect, compromise and understanding. I’ve been married 53 years and it hasn’t always been easy, but it certainly is well worth the effort.

I think the person who cheats might have an unresolved, painful issue. Instead of doing the hard work to move past that, an attempt is made to change the uncomfortable feelings the easy way. An affair (or any destructive behavior) is a way to receive instant gratification. One may feel "high" for a little bit, but the negative, painful feelings eventually push their way back through.

In William's case, once he worked through his relationship with his sister, came to terms with who his grandfather was, and his own parents' past, he was more settled and able to commit more fully to Lucy. William was healthier, so hopefully his relationship with Lucy will be too.

That is a good question. There are an infinite number of reasons. Even the reason the cheater thinks is the reason is not always the case!
Marriage takes a lot of work and faith. The couple has to grow on the same main path, not divergent ones!

Definitely a question to think about!! The old saying:”the grass seems greener on the other side.” I think cheating happens when someone is not happy in a relationship and both parties cannot articulate what is wrong. Or someone is instantly attracted to someone and they choose to follow that attraction. I’m reading all the input from others because it certainly is an intriguing question and maybe there is not a single answer because it is different for everyone.

What a loaded question!! Have to agree with the many statements previously made...and the many other statements not made! Who really knows...

I think there are probably as many reasons as there are people who do it. The reasons vary by person and relationship.

Wow. That is a question my bff and I have spent countless hours chewing on before and after her divorce. That being said they are many possible reasons. A need for affirmation of self worth or attractiveness, curiosity, boredom, revenge, narcissism, any number of reasons. What is always striking is that they are so selfish and so lack self confidence that rather than end their marriage and pursue others they want to be intimate with, they still keep their partner on a string, giving themselves the option to sample others and create another relationship before letting their partner free. I’m sure there are many other reasons. I wonder what would happen if people who want to cheat would approach their spouse before cheating and discuss it with them and figure out what it is they need or are searching for that they are not getting and let their spouse have the option of moving on or exploring other options too. But, this removes their safety net and brings us right back to the self centered behavior that often proceeds the cheating.

An unhappy relationship, attraction to another person and lack of one's own self worth are just a few reasons. For those who cheat, they have their own reasons and unless they are open and honest with their spouse one may never know why.

I'm going to answer with my opinion, but I also think that I have no idea. No one has any idea what truly happens in a relationship, and so it's impossible to disect why they sometimes falter or disintegrate. In my opinion, marriage is hard. It's amazing, and wonderful and fulfilling, but it's also hard and requires work and perspective. When my oldest got married, we were out to dinner with him and his fiance and her parents and my son asked us what advice we would give them. This took me by surprise, but what came to mind is this. Long term relationships have peaks and valleys. There will be days when you feel just as you do now as fiances - totally in love! But there will also be days where the way your partner chews their food makes you absolutely crazy. So my advice is acknowledge the peaks, and use that to carry you through the valleys knowing that the valley is temporary and that you will find yourself heading toward a peak again. It's worth it in the long run to stick it out. The rush of a new love is heady, but long term life satisfaction is a little different. [NOTE - This does NOT APPLY if there is any kind of ABUSE - in that case RUN and don't look back.)

I have a couple of theories that haven't been mentioned so far.

One is that many people go into marriage with unrealistic expectations. They think it will be like dating and anyone who has been married knows that it isn't. The day-to-day dynamics change when you start living with someone and no longer engage in dating behavior. Meaning, you find out what people are really like in the morning, their habits, what things about them & their behavior annoy you. And as the old saying goes, the bloom falls off the rose. But some people are too stubborn and proud to admit defeat, and they may still love their spouse but find that the day-to-day realities of marriage aren't fulfilling. So instead of leaving the marriage, they seek that romantic, dating "high" elsewhere with a person whose habits they will never learn about or be annoyed by.

Becoming parents changes the dynamic, as well. You don't have time to focus as much on each other and think about romance when you have to change diapers, deal with childhood illnesses, manage the additional costs, and try to get enough sleep so that you can drop the kid at daycare, get to the office, and function at a high enough level to mantain a challenging career. If a couple shares responsibilities, it's a lot easier, but we all know that too often the burdens are not distributed equally and that leads to resentment, etc.

Lastly, when people reach a certain age (50+), they start to wonder what they've missed. They're "dug in," comfortable, and love their spouse, but they still want to feel vital and have some excitement in their lives. Or maybe the marriage ceased to be a healthy one years ago, but they are unwilling to upset the equilibrium by divorcing, having to split assets, disappoint the kids and grandkids, etc. So they seek a partner "on the side" who will help them again experience romance, passion, etc. That goes on a lot more often than I think many people realize and/or want to acknowledge.