What is different about Amineh's relationship with Farzad and her relationship with Patrik?

What is different about Amineh's relationship with Farzad and her relationship with Patrik? In your opinion, were Amineh and Farzad suited to each other? Why or why not? How do you feel about the choices Amineh made? What would you have done in her position?

Amineh's relationship with Patrik seems more relaxed than her relationship with Farzad. I felt this might be because in her relationship with her Iranian husband felt more bound by cultural constraints and expectations: he expected her to act as a traditional acceptable wife, and she felt compelled to comply. With Patrik, a Swede who was not a Muslim, these constraints did not apply in the same way, so the relationship seemed more free.

Patrik presented Amineh with a whole new way of looking at and experiencing a very different kind of relationship between a man and a woman and she grew into the openness of that through Patrik and mourned the absence of it with Farzad. Her doubts and worries about her marriage relationship made me feel that she and Farzad were not well suited but her decision to remain true to the relationship was based on her care for Farzad as much as the ever-present strong cultural norms. I probably would have done the same in her situation but recognize that many of my generation made those same kinds of decisions while the younger generations in the U.S. do not and would not have in that situation either.

Amineh longs for connection and communication. Numerous times throughout the book, Amineh reflects on how this is absent from her relationship with Farzad and it haunts her. With Patrik who is open, wishes to communicate and shows her respect (Farzad is very closed off and I'm sure this is very cultural), and this is what Amineh longs for.

It seems that Amineh finds a refuge in her relationship with Patrik. He is so different from Farzad in that he has no trouble with expressing his love and respect for her. She feels more “seen” by Patrik, while again with her guilt complex she feels a lot of pressure to be the perfect wife that Farzad expects.

Amineh's relationship with Patrik was one of mutual respect, much love and caring about each other. Her relationship with Farzad was a stressful one. Amineh always seemed to have to prove herself and was quite lonely in doing so. What a joy to read about Amineh and Patrik finding each other and experiencing happiness.

Farzad didn't express his feelings to Amineh, she was constantly questioning how he felt and went so far to make assumptions. Patrik was always clear in his communication where he stood. I felt like Amineh's relationship with Farzad was one of the disjointed aspects of this book. The way he treated her was very different from what the journals described after his death - it came off a bit odd to me in the writing.

What usually happens when a husband is not communicating with his wife. A male friend enters the picture, and he is everything Farzad is not. Patrick talks to her, makes her feel like a woman and loves to cook with her. Farzad only wants a "wife" in the typical sense, nothing more and his actions speak louder than his words, hence his closeness with his work partner Maher. This scenario plays out in most marriages that are failing, lack of communication, its huge.

I felt her relationship with Farzad was more about culture and loyalty. Her relationship with Patrik was about love.

Patrik admired and respected and was attracted to Amineh from the beginning. Farzad never was. Patrik remained honest, patient and respectful of her relationship with his friend and he never made Amineh feel “less than “. ..which she felt with Farzad and many others in her life.

Amineh's relationship with Patrik started as a friendship so there is a level of comfort with him that she never built with Farzad. As a result, she is able to be more vulnerable with Patrik which resulted in more intimacy in her relationship with him.

Amineh's relationship with Patrik developed in a more natural way as they connected through food and moved on sharing and exploring other interests and "listening" to each other. Also, Patrik's nature was different from Farzad and seemed more compatible with Amineh's.

From the beginning Farzad and Amineh's relationship had so many demands on them before they could bond with each other - their relationship felt very forced.

From the outset—their casual telephone conversations when Patrik called Farzad— there was no emotional or cultural baggage. What began as a friendly contact between strangers with a shared connection continued once they met as equals and found they were kindred spirits—no pressure, no expectations. Both came to meet as adults, capable of honesty about their feelings but also of exercising restraint, out of respect for the loyalty they owned others. That openness in communication, and mutual respect, along with their shared interests and values, laid a solid ground for a healthy mature relationship. They had no personal agendas; they supported one another in difficult circumstances, only wanting the best for one another—an unselfish love. When the time came that they were free to be together, they truly knew what kind of life they wanted to share.

Amineh felt comfortable with Patrick from the start, and they enjoyed talking about cooking and sharing recipes. She didn’t feel this sense of comfort with Farzad. He was older, more serious, and culturally more constrained.

I think Amineh actually gets to know Patrik better than she knows Farzad. Patrik is much more open and listens to Amineh. They seem to have real conversations with substance.

I think it's telling that Farzad didn't realize his wife was unhappy that she hadn't had a honeymoon and had to be told that fact by his sister. It just seemed that they didn't know each other very well in spite of being married. It seemed almost like a work partnership, where each person supports the other but they don't know each other beyond where their worlds intersect.

Amineh's relationship with Farzad seemed bound by cultural norms and expectations from the beginning and all through, founded more on respect and commitment than love. Her relationship with Patrik seemed to evolve naturally without any preconceived expectations given their diverse backgrounds. She could simply be her true self and be appreciated. Her relationship with Patrik was like a blank canvas allowing them both the freedom of expression and bringing out the best in each other unconstrained by any norms.

Amineh's choices seemed to be constrained by what she always thought the world expected of her. While fully cognizant of her needs and desires, she was not always very vocal about them, and Farzad did not come across as the perceptive partner in lock step when it came to his family.