When Lucy was pregnant she thought: Whoever you are, you do not belong to me. My job is to help you get into the world, but you do not belong to me. Do you understand what Lucy means?

When Lucy was pregnant with Chrissy, she remembers putting her hand over her stomach and thinking, Whoever you are, you do not belong to me. My job is to help you get into the world, but you do not belong to me. Do you understand what Lucy means? What does this statement mean to you?

I thought this was beautiful. We bring our babies into the world, love them, nurture them, and hope we have given them the things they need to go out into the world and make their own lives. I hope our children will remain in our lives forever, but they need to be independent of us and manage their lives.

YES! We are to be bird launchers not nest hoarders!! Lucy sure struggled with letting her girls solve their own issues, but ultimately, it all paid off. The girls made good choices AND still loved their mom.

We give birth to our children, we love them. We raise them. But they grow up and leave our homes to start a new life. The children do not belong to us they are their own beings.

This is a good starting point for motherhood. I haven’t seen it work successfully this way enough times though! In fact, isn’t this the “love something enough to let it go and then it comes back” tee shirt motto? Caring too little or too much- who is to decide in any relationship what is just right!! Seems that loss and heartbreak and disappointment dog most intimate relationships, but we can always try :).

I never had these feelings when I was pregnant with my children but when they graduated from high school and went off to college, I had to remind myself that this is the way life is. It isn’t always easy to let children go, but hopefully your relationship is strong enough that they will always come back.

I never thought of that when I was pregnant.of course it is reality but nothing I ever thought of. If you are fortunate to have a happy childhood you remain close to your parents while being independent.

I absolutely agree. My son does not belong to me, but he will always be my son. Motherhood is such a joy.

I see where everyone is coming from with the answer to this question.
But I personally do not totally agree. I think your children do belong to you by way of DNA, lineage, traits, etc. If there is a room full of children and the person at the door asks which one is yours?
You would answer with “that one is mine” and maybe point also.
We want to put forth to the world our independent children but they will always be a part of you!

I think most of us feel a little like Lucy. Our children are always “ours” but we raise them to survive in whatever world they choose. We prepare them for their future by giving them as many experiences as we can.

Yes I agree with Lucy. Our children do not belong to us. They are a part of us, and always will be, but no person belongs to another. We do our best to raise our children, to give them values and our deepest love. Then we must let them go to live their own lives hoping and praying that we have been successful parents.

Annar and others said it so well. This is a beautiful belief. “ I gave my daughter the gift of wings, so she can soar”.

I think that this is going to depend on the child. Some children want to flee the moment they can run and others linger in your presence , as if fearful to take the next steps.

Yes, I understand. In parenthood you give your children roots (values, for example) and wings. I think I have also heard it said that as parents we are stewards, as we are (should be) stewards of the world. We care for them, love them and protect them, but we don't own them nor control them, at least not after they become self-sufficient.

Lucy had a difficult childhood. She grew up lonely, frightened and ashamed. I think she desperately wants to be a good mother but has to work out what that means for herself having no good mentor to learn from.

Yes, I do completely understand and agree. Yes, parents are responsible for their children and keeping them safe and teaching them and guiding them. But as a parent of three, all people arrive with their own personalities and their own paths. In my opinion, being a good parent is letting your children grow, respecting who they are, and knowing that they belong to themselves, ultimately. Yes, clearly they are OUR family, and they are OUR children. But we don't hold ultimate control over their lives, their struggles, their successes, or their mistakes.

I do! I raised two children and have had to let them make their own mistakes, learn the hard lessons, craft lives that are meaningful for them. Children are not clones of their parents or siblings. Parents are to guide, teach, shelter, shield, and equip their children. But get out of their way when they are grown and not interfere, letting them go their own direction. Too many of us in my generation did not have parents who understood that. Because of what they endured during their lives (the Great Depression, World War II, etc.), they pushed, prodded, lectured, threatened, and demanded that we do things a certain way. They acted out of their own kind of love, but it was destructive. And it translated into a relationship founded on conditional love. I forgave my parents long ago, acknowledgng that they did the best they could with the information available to them & taking into account their emotional limitations because of their own life experiences. But raised my children very differently, and much more in line with the philosophy expoused by Lucy.