Sign up for our newsletters to receive our Best of 2024 ezine!

Excerpt from Going Postal by Terry Pratchett, plus links to reviews, author biography & more

Summary |  Excerpt |  Reviews |  Readalikes |  Genres & Themes |  Author Bio

Going Postal by Terry Pratchett

Going Postal

A Discworld Novel

by Terry Pratchett
  • BookBrowse Review:
  • Critics' Consensus (4):
  • Readers' Rating (2):
  • First Published:
  • Sep 1, 2004, 320 pages
  • Paperback:
  • Oct 2005, 400 pages
  • Rate this book

About this Book

Print Excerpt


Moist stared. He'd felt the snap of the rope, the choke of the noose! He'd seen the blackness welling up! He'd died!

"I'm offering you a job, Mr. Lipwig. Albert Spangler is buried, but Mr. Lipwig has a future. It may, of course, be a very short one, if he is stupid. I am offering you a job, Mr. Lipwig. Work, for wages. I realize the concept may be unfamiliar."

Only as a form of hell, Moist thought.

"The job is that of postmaster general of the Ankh-Morpork Post Office." Moist continued to stare.

"May I just add, Mr. Lipwig, that behind you there is a door. If at any time in this interview you feel you wish to leave, you have only to step through it and you will never hear from me again."

Moist filed that under "Deeply Suspicious."

"To continue: the job, Mr. Lipwig, involves the refurbishment and running of the city's postal service, preparation of the international packets, maintenance of Post Office property, et cetera, et cetera-"

"If you stick a broom up my arse I could probably sweep the floor, too," said a voice. Moist realized it was his. His brain was a mess. It had come as a shock to him that the afterlife was this one.

Lord Vetinari gave him a long, long look.

"Well, if you wish," he said, and turned to a hovering clerk. "Drumknott, does the housekeeper have a store cupboard on this floor, do you know?"

"Oh, yes, my lord," said the clerk. "Shall I--"

"It was a joke!" Moist burst out.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I hadn't realized," said Lord Vetinari, turning back to Moist. "Do tell me if you feel obliged to make another one, will you?"

"Look," said Moist, "I don't know what's happening here, but I don't know anything about delivering post!"

"Mr. Lipwig, this morning you had no experience at all of being dead, and yet but for my intervention you would nevertheless have turned out to be extremely good at it," said Lord Vetinari sharply. "It just goes to show: you never know until you try."

"But when you sentenced me -"

Vetinari raised a pale hand. "Ah?" he said. Moist's brain, at last aware that it needed to do some work here, stepped in and replied:

"Er ... when you ... sentenced ... Alfred Spangler--"

"Well done. Do carry on."

"--you said he was a natural-born criminal, a fraudster by vocation, a habitual liar, a perverted genius, and totally untrustworthy!"

"Are you accepting my offer, Mr. Lipwig?" said Vetinari sharply.

Moist looked at him. "Excuse me," he said, standing up, "I’d just like to check something."

There were two men dressed in black standing behind his chair. It wasn't a particularly neat black, more the black worn by people who just don't want little marks to show. They looked like clerks, until you met their eyes.

They stood aside as Moist walked toward the door, which, as promised, was indeed there. He opened it very carefully. There was nothing beyond, and that included a floor. In the manner of one who is going to try all possibilities, he took the remnant of the spoon out of his pocket and let it drop. It was quite a long time before he heard the jingle.

Then he went back and sat in the chair.

"The prospect of freedom?" he said.

"Exactly," said Lord Vetinari. "There is always a choice."

"You mean ... I could choose certain death?"

"A choice, nevertheless," said Vetinari. "Or, perhaps, an alternative. You see, I believe in freedom, Mr. Lipwig. Not many people do, although they will, of course, protest otherwise. And no practical definition of freedom would be completely without the freedom to take the consequences. Indeed, it is the freedom upon which all the others are based. Now ... will you take the job? No one will recognize you, I am sure. No one ever recognizes you, it would appear."

From Going Postal by Terry Pratchett. Copyright Terry Pratchett 2004. All rights reserved.  Reproduced by permission of the publisher, Harper Collins.

Membership Advantages
  • Reviews
  • "Beyond the Book" articles
  • Free books to read and review (US only)
  • Find books by time period, setting & theme
  • Read-alike suggestions by book and author
  • Book club discussions
  • and much more!
  • Just $45 for 12 months or $15 for 3 months.
  • More about membership!

Top Picks

  • Book Jacket
    Prophet Song
    by Paul Lynch
    Paul Lynch's 2023 Booker Prize–winning Prophet Song is a speedboat of a novel that hurtles...
  • Book Jacket: The Love Elixir of Augusta Stern
    The Love Elixir of Augusta Stern
    by Lynda Cohen Loigman
    Lynda Cohen Loigman's delightful novel The Love Elixir of Augusta Stern opens in 1987. The titular ...
  • Book Jacket: Small Rain
    Small Rain
    by Garth Greenwell
    At the beginning of Garth Greenwell's novel Small Rain, the protagonist, an unnamed poet in his ...
  • Book Jacket: Daughters of Shandong
    Daughters of Shandong
    by Eve J. Chung
    Daughters of Shandong is the debut novel of Eve J. Chung, a human rights lawyer living in New York. ...

BookBrowse Book Club

Book Jacket
The Rose Arbor
by Rhys Bowen
An investigation into a girl's disappearance uncovers a mystery dating back to World War II in a haunting novel of suspense.
Book Jacket
The Story Collector
by Evie Woods
From the international bestselling author of The Lost Bookshop!
Who Said...

A book is one of the most patient of all man's inventions.

Click Here to find out who said this, as well as discovering other famous literary quotes!

Wordplay

Big Holiday Wordplay 2024

Enter Now

Your guide toexceptional          books

BookBrowse seeks out and recommends the best in contemporary fiction and nonfiction—books that not only engage and entertain but also deepen our understanding of ourselves and the world around us.