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From three o'clock to six o'clock, I read to
Porterhouse. I sit on my bed and he sits on the floor. He leans against
the wall and he closes his eyes so he can, as he says, do some
imagining. I read slowly and clearly, taking an occasional break to
drink a glass of water or smoke a cigarette. In the past twelve weeks we
have worked our way through Don Quixote, Leaves of Grass,
and East of Eden. We are currently reading War and Peace,
which is Porterhouse's favorite. He smiled at the engagement of Andrei
and Natasha. He cried when Anatole betrayed her. He cheered at the
battle of Borodino, and though he admired the Russian tactics, he cursed
while Moscow burned. When we're not reading, he carries War and Peace
around with him. He sleeps with it at night, cradles it as if it were
his child. He says that if he could, he would read it again and again.
I started reading to Porterhouse the day after he hit me
with the tray, my second day here. I was walking to my cell and I had a
copy of Don Quixote in my hand. As I passed his cell, Porterhouse
said come here, I wanna talk to you. I stopped and asked him what he
wanted. He said he wanted to know why I was here and why a County
Sheriff would give him three cartons of cigarettes to beat my ass. I
told him that I had hit a County Sheriff with a car going five miles an
hour while I was drunk and high on crack and that I had fought several
others when they tried to arrest me. He asked if I had hit the man on
purpose. I told him I didn't remember doing it. He laughed. I asked him
why he was here and he told me. I did not offer further comment. He
asked what the book was and I told him and he asked why I had it and I
told him that I liked books. I offered to let him have it when I was
done with it and he laughed and said I can't read motherfucker. Fucking
book ain't gonna do me no good. I offered to read to him. He said he'd
think about it. A couple of hours later he showed up and sat on my
floor. I started reading. He has been here every day since.
At six o'clock, I walk with Porterhouse to dinner, the
only meal of the day that I eat. It is usually foul, disgusting, almost
inedible. The meat is mush, the bread stale, potatoes like water,
vegetables hard as rock. I eat it anyway. Porterhouse eats seconds and
thirds and fourths, which he takes from the trays other prisoners. He
offers to get food for me, but I decline. When I am finished eating, I
sit and I listen to Porterhouse talk about his upcoming trial. Like
every other man in here, regardless of what they might say, Porterhouse
is guilty of the crimes that he has been accused of committing. He is
going to trial because until he is convicted, he will stay here, at
county jail, instead of doing his time in state prison. Jail is a much
easier place to live than prison. There is less violence, there are more
privileges, most of the prisoners know they are getting out within the
next year and want to be left alone. Once they're gone, they don't want
to come back. In prison, there are gangs, rapes, drugs, murder. Most of
the prisoners are in for long stretches and will most likely never be
free. If they are ever free, they will be more dangerous than they were
before they were imprisoned. They could give two fucks about
rehabilitation, they need to survive. To survive they need to replace
their humanity with savagery. Porterhouse knows this, but wants to
remain human for as long as he can. A guilty verdict is coming his way,
but until it does, he will stay here. He will remain a human being.
From My Friend Leonard by James Frey. Copyright James Frey 2005. All rights reserved. No part of this book maybe reproduced without written permission from the publisher.
I have lost all sense of home, having moved about so much. It means to me now only that place where the books are ...
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