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After dinner I go to the payphone. I dial a number that
was given to me by my Friend Leonard. The number allows me to make free
long distance phone calls. I do not know where Leonard got the number,
and I have never asked him. That has always been my policy with Leonard.
Take what he offers, thank him for it, do not ask questions. Leonard is
what I am, an Alcoholic and a Drug Addict and a Criminal. He is
fifty-two years old and he lives in Las Vegas, where he oversees his
organization's interests in a number of finance, entertainment and
security companies. We do not discuss his business. I do not ask
questions.
I always call Lilly first. Lilly with long black hair
and pale skin and blue eyes like deep, clean water. Lilly whose Father
deserted her and whose Mother sold Lilly's body for drugs when she was
thirteen. Lilly who became crackhead and a pillpopper and hitchhiked
across the country on her back so that she could escape her Mother.
Lilly who has been raped and beaten and used and discarded. Lilly who is
alone in the world except for me and a Grandmother who has terminal
cancer. Lilly who is living in a halfway house in Chicago while she
tries to stay clean and waits for me to be released from this place.
Lilly who loves me. Lilly who loves me.
I dial the number. My heart starts beating faster. I
know she's sitting in a phone booth waiting for my call, but my heart
beats faster anyway. She picks up on the third ring. She says hello,
dear boy, I say hello, dear girl. She says I miss you and I say we'll
see each other soon. She asks me how I am and I tell her that I'm good.
She's upset that I'm here and I don't want her to worry, I always tell
her things are good. I ask her how she is and her answers vary from day
to day, hour to hour, minute to minute. Sometimes she says she feels
free, which is a feeling she has rarely felt but has always sought. She
feels like she's getting better and healthier and can put her past
behind her. Sometimes she says that she feels fine. That she is getting
by and that is enough. That she's off drugs and has a roof over her
head, that she's fine. Sometimes she's depressed. She feels like her
Grandmother is going to die and I am going to leave her and she is going
to be alone in the world, which is something she says she cannot handle.
She says there are always options, she'll weigh them when the time comes
to weigh them. Sometimes she feels nothing. Absolutely nothing. She
doesn't talk she just breathes into the phone. I tell her to hold on,
that she'll feel again, feel better again, feel free again, I tell her
to hold on. She doesn't talk. She just breathes into the phone.
I met Lilly and Leonard five months ago. I was a patient
at a drug and alcohol treatment center. I checked in after a ten year
bout with alcoholism and a three year bout with crack addiction, which
ended when I woke up on a plane after two weeks of blackness and
discovered that I had knocked out my front four teeth, broken my nose my
eye socket, and torn a hole in my cheek that took forty stitches to
close. At the time, I was wanted in three States on drug, drunk-driving
and assault charges. I didn't have a job or any money and I was nearly
dead. I didn't want to go the treatment center, but I didn't have any
other options. At least not options I was ready to accept.
I met Lilly on my second day. I was standing in line
waiting for detoxification drugs and she was standing in front of me.
She turned around and she said hello to me and I said hello to her and
she asked what happened to my face and I shrugged and told her I didn't
know. She laughed. I saw her and spoke to her later that day and the
next and the next. The treatment center had a policy against male/female
relationships. We ignored the policy. We talked to each other, slipped
each other notes, met each other in the Woods that were part of the
center's grounds. We helped each other and understand each other. We
fell in love with each other. We are young, she is twenty four and I am
twenty three, we fell in love. Neither of us had felt anything like what
we felt for one another and we agreed that we would stay together and
live together when we left the treatment center. We got caught with each
other and we paid for the violation of the Center's rules. Lilly left
the center and I went after her. I found her selling her body for crack
and I brought her back. I left a week later and I came here. Lilly
stayed for nine more weeks and has been at the halfway house in Chicago
for a month. When I leave here, I am going to meet her. We love each
other. We are going to stay with each other.
From My Friend Leonard by James Frey. Copyright James Frey 2005. All rights reserved. No part of this book maybe reproduced without written permission from the publisher.
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