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My other
seminal text was a thick, overwrought novel I
found around the same time, on an afternoon when I was scanning
the recent returns. If by now I was a kid who lived to read, I
was still beholden to the action of the pageto plot-driven stories
more full-throttle than real life ever was. What I hadn't yet
grasped was that prose for its own sake, grown-up prose, could
be so transporting as to exist beyond linear narrative in a corridor
of its own making. One might call this the beginning of a modernist
sensibility; I think, though, that I was simply ready to be a
witness to beautythat my brain was waking up to the world's
possibilities, and they came to me by way of fiction. The book I
held in my hands that day was a worn hardback copy of Thomas
Wolfe's Look Homeward, Angel, and I didn't get beyond the first
page, because what I saw there so humbled and elated me that I
could read no further. "Each of us is all the sums he has not counted," Wolfe had written in his second paragraph.
"Subtract us into nakedness and night again, and you shall see begin in Crete
four thousand years ago the love that ended yesterday in Texas."
That I
had just been given the confluence of time, space,
and metaphora rough abstract for human consciousnesswas
clearly way beyond my comprehension. What I knew was that
someone, in some other time and place, had made sense of the
largeness of life and the dark reaches I felt so privately within my
soul, and that this stranger had found out where I washe had
said so, right there, with "yesterday in Texas." This seemed to me
a secret contract between writer and reader, a grail beyond any
promises I had heard about in school or church. I went home and
kept the revelation to myself, sensing that I would carry the
elixirgreat comfort and petition boththrough all my days.
Part of
what I was falling for, beyond all that swoony prose,
was the author's own apologia for leaving. In the rich and gusty
self-portrait that was Eugene Gant, Wolfe had given us one of the
early Southern-boy migration storiesa prodigal son escaping
the madness of Dixie, catapulted by ego and estrangement toward
the distant North. This propulsion, this outward imperative,
is part of America's founding story, in history and in myth, and I must
have read a dozen versions of it by the time I actually qualified for those
shelves in Adult Fiction. A tattered trail of protagonists, most of them alienated and most of them male, would
wend their way through my early literary consciousness: Binx
Bolling, the perpetual dreamer of Walker Percy's The Moviegoer;
the young men of Larry McMurtry's early Texas novels, leaving
Cheyenne even if they had to crawl; Faulkner's Quentin, who
journeyed so thoroughly into my heart over the years that he became
my Quentin. That so many of these itinerant figures were
men did not occur to me; I think I was searching for a flight
far reaching
or victorious, however torn asunder the heart that had
launched it. The few female protagonists I came across had a tendency
to stay put. Should they dare to venture beyond the borders
of propriety or domesticity, they often suffered misery,
ostracism, or untoward death. I discovered the full spectrum of
this punishment for roaming when I got to James's Isabel Archer
and other female innocents abroad; for now, as I veered my own
boat into the chop of adolescence, I aligned myself with the guys
who had hit the road.
Excerpted from A Strong West Wind by Gail Caldwell Copyright © 2006 by Gail Caldwell. Excerpted by permission of Random House, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
The longest journey of any person is the journey inward
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