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The evidence of all Stella's searchings, all her short-lived
vocations, is still here. There are the dried-up paints from the
watercolorist spring; there's the sewing machine from the dress designer
summer; there're the abandoned lenses from the photography period; and
there's the clapped-out typewriter from the short-story-writer phase.
That was the longest of the vocations and the last. Maybe Stella has
finally found herself (I wonder how you do that?). Maybe she's given up
looking. Either way, she avoids the refectory now.
Lucas has taken it over. He and Dan have just come down from
Cambridge for the last time. They survived finals and arrived here,
hideously hung over, the day after the Trinity May Ball. "It's the last
long vac," Dan declared, "so let's make it a memorable one." Dan often
stays at the Abbey nowhe could stay with his father and grandmother in
the village, but he prefers it here. He's encamped in his usual room in
the main house and will stay till the end of the holidays. Lucas has
visited before, but never for longhe never stays anywhere longso this
protracted visit is surprising. I don't think anyone exactly invited
him, though I suppose Finn might have done. He's here for an
indeterminate period. It could be the remainder of the summer, it could
be less, it could be more. Lucas never makes plansor if he does, he
refuses to communicate them: He simply arrives when he feels like it and
departs without warning or farewell. I can accept this, because Lucas
and I understand each other; but for Finn and Julia, it's hard.
He's not interested in creature comforts. He sleeps under an old army
blanket, on a lumpy couch in the corner. He brews coffee on a paraffin
stove. When he wants a bath, he swims in the river. When he wants food,
which isn't often, he comes up to the house, charms Stella, and raids
the larder. Stella is a fine cook, and she thinks Lucas is a geniusan
impression Lucas does nothing to discourage, I've observed. On the table
over there, under a muslin fly protector, I can see her latest offerings
to the artist-in-residence: a slice of Madeira cake and a lopsided,
golden pork pie.
It's had a bite or two taken out of it. Next to it, propped up on an
easel, turned to face the wall, and hidden behind screens, is the
portrait Lucas is supposed to be paintinghis recompense for living here
all summer scot-free. It's a gigantic picture of Julia, Finn, and me,
and Dan says it's going to be Lucas's magnum opusfor this year, anyway.
It's to be called The Sisters Mortland, which I consider a dull,
stupid title. Lucas doesn't seem to work on it very oftenthough he may
work on it at night.
I'm not sleeping too well at night. Sometimes the nuns disturb me;
sometimes it's my dreams. And once or twice, when I couldn't sleep, I've
crept out of bed and come down to the garden, and I've seen the lights
in here, blazing away. Lucas closes the interior shutters, but there are
six bright slits striping the ground outside, like golden bars. It could
be that these sketches of me are preparatory work for the portrait, or
they may be unimportant, something he does to pass the time. I'd like to
ask Lucas if they matter and why they might matterbut I know he won't
answer: He's a secretive man. . . . It takes one to know one, as Bella
likes to say: I'm a secretive girl.
Copyright © 2005 by Sally Beauman
Children are not the people of tomorrow, but people today.
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