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Ruby and I share a common blood supply. My blood flows normally in the left
side of my brain, but the blood in my right (the connected side) flows to my
sister's left, and vice versa for her. It's estimated that we share a web of one
hundred veins as well as our skull bones. Our cerebral tissue is fully enmeshed,
our vascular systems snarled like briar bushes, but our brains themselves are
separate and functioning. Our thoughts are distinctly our own. Our selves have
struggled fiercely to be unique, and in fact we're more different than most
identical twins. I like sports, but I'm also bookish, while Ruby is girlie and
prefers television. When Ruby is tired, I'm hardly ever ready for bed. We're
rarely hungry together and our tastes are poles apart: I prefer spicy fare,
while my sister has a disturbing fondness for eggs.
Ruby believes in God and ghosts and reincarnation. (Ruby won't speculate on
her next incarnation though, as if imagining something different from what she
is now would betray us both.) I believe the best the dead can hope for is to be
conjured from time to time, through a note of haunting music or a passage in a
book.
I've never set eyes on my sister, except in mirror images and photographs,
but I know Ruby's gestures as my own, through the movement of her muscles and
bone. I love my sister as I love myself. I hate her that way too.
This is the story of my life. I'm calling it Autobiography of a Conjoined
Twin. But since my sister claims that it can't technically ("technically" is
Ruby's current favorite word) be considered an autobiography and is opposed to
my telling what she considers our story, I have agreed that she should write
some chapters from her point of view. I will strive to tell my story honestly,
allowing that my truth will be colored a shade different from my sister's and
acknowledging that it's sometimes necessary for the writer to connect the dots.
What I know about writing I've learned mostly from reading books and from
Aunt Lovey, who, along with Uncle Stash (born Stanislaus Darlensky in Grozovo,
Slovakia, in 1924), raised Ruby and me from birth. I was accepted into the
English program at a nearby university, but Ruby wouldn't agree to go. I knew
she'd refuse, but I'd applied to the school anyway, so I could be aggrieved and
excused. With Ruby sulking at my side, I'd handed the acceptance letter to Aunt
Lovey. "How can I ever be a writer if I don't study writing? How can I be a
writer if I don't even have a degree?" I cried.
Aunt Lovey hated self-pity. "Don't blame your sister if you don't become a
writer. I don't know how pistons piss, but I can sure as hell drive a car." She
gave me a look and strode away.
The next day Aunt Lovey presented me with a book called Aspects of the Novel
by E. M. Forster. She wrapped it in leftover Christmas paper and taped a daisy
from the garden to the top, even though it was a library book, due back in two
weeks. Then she drove me to the Kmart to purchase a ten-pack of pencils and a
stack of yellow legal pads. Ruby threw up out the car window when we pulled into
the parking lot, somewhat ruining the excursion. As Aunt Lovey cleaned the side
of the Impala, I opened Aspects of the Novel to a random page and read aloud
from a long, tedious paragraph on the subject of death and the treatment of
death in the novel. Aunt Lovey beamed at me as though I'd written the passage
myself. Ruby groaned, but I don't know if it was illness or envy.
From the very beginning, Ruby hated my writing. She didn't see the point of
my character sketches and accused me of cheating when my poems didn't rhyme. One
time, after reading one of my short stories, she asked me, "Who are you writing
this for anyway, Rose?" I was stung. Because I didn't know. And thought I
should. My love of reading has distanced my sister and me. Ruby has never
enjoyed books, unless you count children's books and the Hollywood magazines she
drools over in doctors' waiting rooms.
Copyright © 2005 by Lori Lansens
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