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Standing next to Nuharoo, I marveled that we had finally found
some measure of harmony. The differences between us had been clear from
the moment we entered the Forbidden City as young girls. She elegant,
confident, of the royal bloodline was chosen as the Emperors senior wife,
the Empress; I from a good family and no more, from the country and
unsure was a concubine of the fourth rank. Our differences became
conflicts as I found a way into Hsien Fengs heart and bore my son, his only
male child and heir. My elevation in rank had only made matters worse. But
in the chaos of the foreigners invasion, our husbands death during our exile
at the ancient hunting retreat of Jehol, and the crisis of the coup, we had
been forced to find ways to work together.
All these years later, my relationship with Nuharoo was best
expressed in the saying The water in the well does not disturb the water in
the river. To survive, it had been necessary for us to watch out for each
other. At times this seemed impossible, especially regarding Tung Chih.
Nuharoos status as senior wife gave her authority over his upbringing and
education, something that rankled me. Our fight over how to raise Tung Chih
had stopped after he ascended the throne, but my bitterness over how ill
prepared the boy had been continued to poison our relationship.
Nuharoo pursued contentment in Buddhism while my own
discontentment followed me like a shadow. My spirit kept escaping my will. I
read the book Nuharoo had sent me, The Proper Conduct of an Imperial
Widow, but it did little to bring me peace. After all, I was from Wuhu, the
lake of luxurious weeds. I couldnt be who I was not, although I spent my life
trying.
Learn to be the soft kind of wood, Orchid, Mother taught me
when I was a young girl. The soft blocks are carved into statues of Buddha
and goddesses. The hard ones are made into coffin boards.
I had a drawing table in my room, with ink, freshly mixed paint, brushes and
rice paper. After each days audience I came here to work.
My paintings were for my son they were given as gifts in his
name. They served as his ambassadors and spoke for him whenever a
situation became too humiliating. China was forced to beg for extensions on
payments of so-called war compensation, imposed on us by foreign powers.
The paintings also helped to ease the resentment toward my son
over land taxes. The governors of several states had been sending messages
that their people were poor and couldnt afford to pay.
The Imperial tael storehouse has long been empty, I cried in
decrees issued in my sons name. The taxes we have collected have gone
to the foreign powers so that their fleets will not set anchor in our waters.
My brother-in-law Prince Kung, complained that his new Board of
Foreign Affairs had run out of space in which to store the debt seekers
dunning letters. The foreign fleets have repeatedly threatened to reenter our
waters, he warned.
It was my eunuch An-te-hais idea to use my paintings as gifts, to
buy time, money and understanding.
An-te-hai had served me since my first day in the Forbidden City,
when, as a boy of just thirteen, hed surreptitiously offered me a drink of
water for my parched throat. It was a brave act, and he had my loyalty and
trust ever since.
His idea for the paintings was brilliant, and I couldnt paint fast
enough.
I sent one as a birthday gift to General Tseng Kuo-fan, the biggest
warlord in China, who dominated the countrys military. I wanted the general
to know that I appreciated him, although I recently demoted him in my sons
name, under pressure from the courts pro-Manchu conservatives, who called
themselves Ironhats. The Ironhats could not stand the fact that the Han
Chinese, through hard work, were gaining power. I wanted General Tseng to
know that I meant him no harm and that I was aware that I had wronged
him. My son Tung Chih could not rule without you was the message my
painting sent.
Copyright © 2007 by Anchee Min. Reprinted by permission of Houghton Mifflin Company.
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