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Three Generations of Love, War, and Survival
by Owen Matthews
Even after years in Moscow, I can never quite shake the feeling of being
in a weird cat's cradle of conflicting ages. Even the city's thrusting
modernity is still laced with quaintly historic touches: soldiers in
jackboots and breeches; timeless babushkas in headscarves; ragged, bearded
beggars straight out of Dostoyevsky; obligatory coat checks and rotary
phones; fur hats; drivers and maids; bread with lard; abacuses instead of
cash registers; inky newspapers; the smell of wood smoke and outdoor toilets
in the suburbs. Some rhythms of life seem absolutely unchanged from my
fathers' day, my grandfather's day even.
There have been a few times during my stay in Russia when I think I have caught
glimpses of the nightmare world my grandfather entered in July 1937. A
police station in Moscow where I was taken after being beaten up by some
drunken Tatars one night in 1996, which was impregnated with the eternal
Russian prison odour of sweat, piss and despair. The investigator's office
where I watched for hours as the detective's crawling pen painstakingly took
down details of my statement, denting the cheap official paper under harsh,
institutional lamplight. And then a few days later, the dingy hall where I
was taken to confront my assailants, they weeping in manacles as I sat high
on a dais with the investigator in front of their swelling criminal file. A
journalistic visit to Butirskaya prison, where heat and humidity were so
intense that it was hard to inhale and the prisoners had empty, sunken eyes.
I tried to talk to a couple of them, briefly, but it was so uncomfortable
speaking to a stranger in such unnatural proximity, chest to chest, I found
I had nothing to say. Neither then nor later, could I humanize the prisoners
or relate to them as people. They had passed through the looking-glass into
another reality; they had been transformed into something less than human,
closer to the casual brutality of a herd of animals. Their faces were the
faces of men whose whole lives had imploded into the space of a few feet of
the fetid room they inhabited. They stared at me as I pushed past from a
distance of six inches, but when I looked into their eyes I knew they were
looking at me from a distance I could never, ever cross. For a few hours, I
imagine that I saw and smelt and touched the very Russian underworld of
crime and punishment which swallowed my grandfather two generations before.
It was enough, perhaps, to start picturing what it was like, at least
physically. What it was like in his head and heart is a place I never wish
to visit.
Excerpt from Stalin's Children: Three Generations of Love and War by Owen Matthews, published by Walker & Company.
Be sincere, be brief, be seated
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