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Six People In Search of A Life
by Paul Solotaroff
Despite her parents' qualms--they didn't care for Anton's airs, or the nasty tone he took with his own mother--Lina and he were married within the year, and installed in a small apartment in Gramercy Park. The first eruption came ten months later, when Lina dropped out of a clinical psychology program to pursue a master's degree in social work. Anton hit the roof, screaming that it was an insult to him, a wife who chose to wet-nurse pregnant junkies. He was in his second year of law school and already active on the cocktail circuit, making friends and allies that would serve him soon in business. The last thing he needed was a guilt-tripping spouse, one who'd bring nothing to the party but some sob stories.
Nonetheless, Lina persisted in her choice, and after a year or so, Anton got over it. Upon completion of law school, he took a job at his father's firm, and he and Lina settled into their prosperous lives. Three years later, in anticipation of their first child, they were given possession of his parents' co-op on Park Avenue. It was more a compound than an apartment--a library off the parlor, a kitchen big enough to seat ten. At first scandalized by its size (she'd been raised in a Queens row house, sharing a bathroom with her parents and four brothers), Lina soon fell madly for the place, and, perhaps inspired by it, bore two children a year apart. After a couple of years at home, though, her decision to return to work led to a second ugly rift with Anton. He claimed she'd "broken her wedding vow," and preferred looking after black children instead of her own. Again, she stood firm, but some small part of her succumbed, acquiescing to the idea that she was deficient. Eventually, the worst blew over, but Anton's tone had permanently altered; within minutes of praising her to a roomful of people, he was capable of the most cutting cruelty. He called her a "pig" if she had the temerity to gain weight, or "brain-dead" if she said the wrong thing at a party. As their children got older, he tried to enlist them as allies, mocking her and inciting them to laugh along. Now and then, Lina would put her foot down, warning him that this time he had crossed a line. But after a couple of weeks, he'd be right back at it, whittling down the remnants of her dignity.
While Lina was talking, I found myself glancing at Sara, who seemed to be having a hard time sitting still. She kept shifting in her seat, tucking first one leg, then the other, trying, like a restless teen, to contain her energy. When, at last, Lina paused for a sip of water, Sara's hand went straight up in the air.
"Is it okay for us to ask a question now?" she asked.
Lathon checked his watch again, faintly annoyed. "Well, given our time problem, and trying to get one more in tonight--"
"No, no, it's okay, let her ask it," said Lina. "I bet I can probably guess what it is, anyway."
"Well, actually, it's two questions," said Sara. "First off, how long did you say you were married to Anton?"
"Twenty-two years," said Lina, smiling defensively. "Actually, twenty of being married to him, and two trying to divorce him. With no end anywhere in sight."
"I see," said Sara, pausing to process this. "Well, if you don't mind my asking, what kept you for twenty years? I mean, after the nastiness started."
Though Lina had, in fact, seen the question coming, she shrank now, losing her moorings. Staring at her hands, she frowned, unable to answer. After several false starts, she looked to Lathon for help, smiling against impending tears.
"What you're hearing from Lina," said Lathon, "and what you're going to hear more of in the weeks to come, is what happens to someone whose story is hijacked by another person. For twenty years, Lina forgot who she was, or, more accurately, was seduced, then bullied, out of who she was. In place of her own story, one was plastered on top of it, that of a demeaned and helpless drudge afraid of her husband. Now, why she let that happen--well, there are probably a dozen different answers, and we'll pursue them in some detail as we go. But the more relevant question to ask is, how do we undo that? How do we peel back the layers of false story, and restore Lina's sense of who she is? Because the lies Anton fed her go down pretty deep, and are sapping her strength to fight back. And she really needs her strength now, is going to have to fight tooth and nail when this finally gets to court. I'm confident she can do that, make him honor his obligations. But first, it's going to take some shoring up, and we can help with that."
Reprinted from GROUP by Paul Solotaroff by permission of Riverhead Books, a member of Penguin Putnam Inc. Copyright © 1999 by Paul Solotaroff. All rights reserved. This excerpt, or any parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission.
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