Excerpt from I See You Made an Effort by Annabelle Gurwitch, plus links to reviews, author biography & more

Cannot go to a cheap hotel. A cheap hotel does not figure into this or any other fantasy I have at this age. It will need to be pricey. I really can't afford an expensive destination, but it's the only way. Yes, I'll need to dip into our savings. Hopefully, I can write it off as a business expense, which it technically is. The business of getting old. Once I find the correct establishment, I'll go up to the room first, and AuDum will need to wait for a brief interval to avoid being spotted by anyone I know. This will give me time to get ready, and I need it.

It's been eighteen years since I've taken my clothes off in front of anyone other than my husband, my gynecologist and women in the locker room at the gym. I'll really need two or three weeks, if not months, to get my body affair-ready. I will also need to purchase new undergarments. I own bras and panties that are nice enough for fifteen years of marriage, but fall under the category of "underwear," and for an affair it will really need to be "lingerie." Plus, I will need to get the full Brazilian, which I tried once when I was pregnant but it was so painful, I left it half done. My single friends tell me that bare is the new black for men, so I hope the computer gets repaired quickly, as I will need to start acclimating myself to the hairless penis through pornographic Internet surfing.

What will AuDum Genius and I talk about? Best not to let it slip how pissed off I am that my son is getting a C in PE and that he's definitely not going to Ming-Na Davydov's bat mitzvah if he keeps it up. Or that I need to get a mole that's changed shape checked on a part of my back that I can't see, and would he check it? Safe topics might include movies or books, but not films about senior citizens falling in love at resorts in India, or anything with Meryl Streep, and no mentioning that I am currently reading a book titled Why Men Die First. I could suggest a late-night supper from room service, but he'd have to read the menu to me or I'd be pulling out my reading glasses. Note to self: Don't say, "In my day" out loud. Also avoid "nowadays." "Nowadays" is a touchstone used by aging persons to describe things that happened "in my day." The word "touchstone" is also a touchstone for AARP territory. Talking is out. Drinking is better.

While I wait for him, I'll put on mood music. Since he's about the same age as my nephews, I should put on some dubstep, only I hate its incessant thumping sound. I'm sure it sounds good if you're sucking on an Ecstasy pacifier at a rave in the desert, but I would rather have my spleen removed and filleted in front of me than be high in the middle of a sweaty crowd ringed by portapotties. But if I put on something like Fleetwood Mac or, God forbid, Marvin Gaye, I risk dating myself. I've got it: jazz. Jazz has always been the perfect soundtrack for doing stupid things. But my son and his middle school band play all the standards, so jazz is off-limits.

A more pressing issue is, what's the right position? I'm not comfortable with someone ogling my ass if I can't observe the reaction, so doggie gets a thumbs-down. Missionary seems too same-old, same-old. It has to be something where I can achieve maximum attractiveness and get the most bang for my buck, so there's really only one choice. Movie sex. Up against a wall. Glamour magazine calls it "Stand and Deliver," while in the Kama Sutra it's "Climbing the Tree."

He leans into me, pressing my back hard up against the hotel wall. I tilt my face slightly upward, always a flattering angle, while his tongue traces the arc of my neck. The wall can be the perfect excuse for not completely disrobing; in fact, a wrap dress would be ideal, providing easy access while covering my posterior. He pushes the layers of my dress open and moves his hand up my thigh. I order him to take my panties off slowly so, as he kneels down, I'll have time to reach for the small tube of vaginal lubricant I've hidden in the folds of the wrap dress and quickly insert a dollop. Balancing on my good ankle, I wrap my leg around his body as I reach for him, but I've forgotten about a condom. We could take the half-hour AIDS test and forgo it, because there's no way I can get pregnant, but he can't know that; it would take away an element of danger, so I hope he's got one or the hotel can send one up quickly.

Excerpted from I See You Made an Effort by Annabelle Gurwitch. Copyright © 2014 by Annabelle Gurwitch. Excerpted by permission of Blue Rider Press. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.