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"I feel like such an idiot," she told Winnie. "But we kept sleeping in the same bed. If you're really leaving someone, you don't just get into bed with them, do you?"
And then, Sally Forth had begun to sob.
"I didn't know what to do," Winnie told Aaron sadly. "I wanted to hug her, but you know how I am about that, especially at work. I actually tried. I stepped toward her, but I couldn't do it. It seemed disingenuousbecause we're not friends. I don't even like her. So I just let her stand there and cry."
As Aaron finished brushing his teeth, he tried to remember whether he and Winnie had reached any useful conclusions about the propriety of sharing a bed with the person one was about to leave, but he knew that they had not. Winnie had been focused solely on what she regarded as her failure to offer comfort.
"Sometimes," he had told her, "the hardest thing to give people is the thing we know they need the most." When he said this, he was trying to work up the courage to tell her that he was leaving Walter, but he had stopped there so that his comment seemed to refer to Winnie's treatment of Sally Forth, which meant that he had failed Winnie also.
He went into the bedroom and turned on the corner lamp. The room looked strange without his belongings. Gone were the rows of books and the gifts from his students, as well as the Indonesian night table that Winnie had given him when he and Walter moved from Minnesota to New Mexico. It was made from recycled wood, old teak that had come from a barn or railroad tracks or a chest for storing riceWinnie was not sure what exactly. For Aaron, just knowing that the table had had another life was enough. When he sat down on his side of the bed, Walter did not seem to notice. That was the thing about a king-size bed: its occupants could lead entirely separate lives, never touching, oblivious to the other's presence or absence.
"Walter," he said, but there was no reply. He crawled across the vast middle ground of the bed and shook Walter's shoulder.
"Enh," said Walter, a sound that he often made when he was sleeping, so Aaron considered the possibility that he was not faking sleep.
"Is it okay if I sleep here?" he asked, but Walter, treating the question as a prelude to an argument, said, "I'm too tired for this right now. Let's talk in the morning." And so Aaron spent his last night with Walter in their bed, trying to sleep, trying because he could not stop thinking about the fact that everything he owned was sitting in the drivewayon wheels nonethelesswhich meant that every noise became the sound of his possessions being driven away into the night. He was reminded of something that one of his Vietnamese students, Vu, had said in class during a routine speaking exercise. Vu declared that if a person discovered an unlocked store while walking down the street at night, he had the right to take what he wanted from inside. Until then, Vu had struck him as honest and reliable, so the nonchalance with which Vu stated this opinion had shocked Aaron.
"That's stealing," Aaron blurted out, so astonished that he forgot about the purpose of the exercise, which was to get the quieter students talking.
"No," Vu said, seemingly puzzled by Aaron's vehemence as well as his logic. "Not stealing. If I destroy lock or break window, this is stealing. If you do not lock door, you are not careful person. You must be responsibility person to own business." Vu constantly mixed up parts of speech and left off articles, but Aaron did not knock on the desk as he normally did to remind Vu to pay attention to his grammar.
"But you did not pay for these things," Aaron cried. "I did. We are not required to lock up our belongings. We do so only because there are dishonest people in the world, but locking them up is not what makes them ours. They are ours because we own them."
Excerpted from After the Parade by Lori Ostlund. Copyright © 2015 by Lori Ostlund. Excerpted with permission by Scribner, a Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
I always find it more difficult to say the things I mean than the things I don't.
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