Excerpt from I Let You Go by Clare Mackintosh, plus links to reviews, author biography & more

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I Let You Go by Clare Mackintosh

I Let You Go

by Clare Mackintosh
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  • First Published:
  • May 3, 2016, 384 pages
  • Paperback:
  • Nov 2016, 384 pages
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Print Excerpt


"I'm sorry to ask you even more questions, but it's vital we get as much information as we can, as early as possible."

Jacob's mother nodded, but didn't look up.

"I understand you couldn't see the car's number plate?"

"It happened so quickly," she said, the words triggering a release of emotion. "He was talking about school, and then . . . I only let go for a second." She pulled the drawstring cord tighter round her hand, and Ray watched the color drain from her fingers. "It was so fast. The car came so fast."

She answered his questions quietly, giving no sign of the frustration she must surely be feeling. Ray hated causing such intrusion, but he had no choice.

"What did the driver look like?" "I couldn't see inside," she said. "Were there passengers?"

"I couldn't see inside the car," she repeated, her voice dull and wooden. "Right," said Ray. Where on earth were they going to start?

She looked at him. "Will you find him? The man who killed Jacob. Will you find him?" Her voice cracked and the words fell apart, morphing into a low moan. She bent forward, hugging the school bag into her stomach, and Ray felt a tightening in his chest. He took a deep breath, forcing the feeling away.

"We'll do everything we can," he said, despising himself for the cliché. Kate came back from the kitchen with Brian behind her, carrying a mug of tea. "All right if I finish this statement now, guv?" he asked.

Stop upsetting my witness, you mean, Ray thought. "Yes, thank you—sorry for interrupting. Got everything we need, Kate?"

Kate nodded. She looked pale, and he wondered if Brian had said something to upset her. In a year or so he would know her as well as he knew the rest of the team, but he hadn't quite sussed her out yet. She was outspoken, he knew that much, not too nervous to put her point across at team meetings, and she learned fast.

They left the house and walked in silence back to the car.

"Are you okay?" he asked, although it was clear she wasn't. Her jaw was rigid; the color had completely drained from her face.

"Fine," Kate said, but her voice was thick and Ray realized she was trying not to cry.

"Hey," he said, reaching out and putting an awkward arm round her shoulder, "is it the job?" Over the years Ray had built a defensive mechanism against the fall-out of cases like this one. Most police officers had one—it's why you had to turn a blind eye to some of the jokes bandied about the cafeteria—but perhaps Kate was different.

She nodded and took a deep, juddering breath. "I'm sorry, I'm not normally like this, I promise. I've done dozens of death knocks, but . . . God, he was five years old! Apparently Jacob's father never wanted any- thing to do with him, so it's always been the two of them. I can't imagine what she's going through." Her voice cracked, and Ray felt the tightness in his chest return. His coping mechanism relied on focusing on the investigation—on the hard evidence before them—and not dwelling too deeply on the emotions of the people involved. If he thought too long about how it must feel to watch your child die in your arms, he would be no use to anyone, not least to Jacob and his mother. Ray's thoughts flicked involuntarily to his own children, and he had an irrational desire to call home and check they were both safe.

"Sorry." Kate swallowed and gave an embarrassed smile. "I promise I won't always be like this."

"Hey, it's okay," Ray said. "We've all been there."

She raised an eyebrow. "Even you? I didn't have you down as the sensitive type, boss."

"I have my moments." Ray squeezed her shoulder before taking his arm away. He didn't think he'd ever actually shed tears at a job, but he'd come pretty close. "You going to be okay?"

Excerpted from I Let You Go by Clare Mackintosh. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

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