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'Did you ever kill anyone, Dad?' I recall asking as a child.
'Um. Well,' he hesitated.
I could see him thinking about it, which was a little chilling.
'No, I don't think I personally killed anyone,' he said.
Maybe he thought I meant with his bare hands ...
As Dad slowly leaves us, I try to haul him back from the bottom of cardboard boxes and forgotten trunks; from letters buried in desks; from books I previously had not known about; from photographs I am unfamiliar with; from diaries never meant for my eyes. I am the manic charity- shop rummager rifling through old clothes. I don't know why I have taken on this task; as it is, I've been under the gravitational pull of his influence far too long. Except that suddenly I need to make some sense of it all. It's not just Dad I want to stick back together again. This is an exorcism. And a ghost hunt. Rebuild him. Rebuild me.
Dadland © 2016 by Keggie Carew. Reprinted with the permission of the publisher, Atlantic Monthly Press, an imprint of Grove Atlantic, Inc. All rights reserved.
It is always darkest just before the day dawneth
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