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"Ten months?"
"Till her one-year ceremony."
Now Poornima understood what he was saying. After a family death, it was inauspicious to have a celebration of any sort, let alone a wedding, for a full year. It had been two months since her mother's death. In another tenher father was sayingshe would be married.
"I've already talked to Ramayya. There's a farmer near here. A few acres of his own, and a good worker. Two buffalo, a cow, some goats. He doesn't want to wait, though. He needs the money right now. And he's worried you won't take to being a farmer's wife. I told Ramayya, I told him, Look at her. Just look at her. Strong as an ox, she is an ox. Forget the oxen, she could plow the fields."
Poornima nodded and went back inside the hut. The only mirror they owned was a handheld mirror; she couldn't even see her entire face unless she held it at arm's length, but she held it up to her face, saw an eye, a nose, and then she moved it down to her neck and breasts and hips. An ox? She was overcome with a sudden sadness. Why, she couldn't say. It didn't matter why. It was childish to be sad for no reason at all. She only knew that had her mother been alive, she would've probably already been married. Maybe even pregnant, or with a baby. That was no cause for sadness either. She was concerned about this farmer, though. What if he did make her pull the plow? What if her mother-in-law was cruel? What if all she had were girls? Then she heard her amma speak. None of those things has even happened yet, she heard her say. And then she said, Everything is already written in the stars, Poornima. By the gods. We can't alter a thing. So what does it matter? Why worry?
She was right, of course. But when she lay on her mat that night, Poornima thought about the farmer, she thought about the deepa on top of Indravalli Konda, she thought about beauty. If her skin had been lighter, her hair thicker, or if her eyes had been bigger, her father might've found a better match for her: someone who wanted a wife, not an ox. She'd once heard Ramayya saying, when he'd come to see her father, "Your Poornima's a good worker, but you know these boys today, they want a modern girl. They want fashion." Fashion? Then she thought about her mother; she thought about her last days, spent writhing in pain; she thought about the weight of her mother's hand on her head; and then she thought about the two bananas, the apple, and the handful of cashews, and as if this were the moment her heart had been waiting for, it broke, and out poured so many tears that she thought they would never stop. She cried silently, hoping her sleeping father and brothers and sister wouldn't hear, the mat she lay on soaked so thoroughly that she smelled the wet earth underneath, as if after a rainfall, and at the end of it, her body was so wracked with sobs, so drained of feeling, so exquisitely empty, that she actually smiled, and then fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.
Excerpted from Girls Burn Brighter by Shobha Rao. Copyright © 2018 by Shobha Rao. Excerpted by permission of Flatiron Books. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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