Excerpt from The Judge Hunter by Christopher Buckley, plus links to reviews, author biography & more

Balty took a few steps toward the door. "Brother Sam?"

"Yes, Balty?"

"Might you have something for me? A position?"

"A position? Well, yes. I could arrange a position for you today. Aboard one of our ships."

"Sam. You know I'm no good on ships. They make me ill. Even when they're not moving."

"This is the Navy Office, Balty. Ships are what we are about."

"Couldn't I be your aide-de-camp? Or subaltern, or whatever they're called in the Navy. Here. On land."

"Balty, I say this with the deepest affection—you have no qualifications. None. You have not one scintilla of qualification for Navy work." Or any other kind, he thought.

Pepys regarded the specimen of aimlessness who stood before him. He knew what scene would greet him at home tonight—his wife berating him, either with icy silence or volcanic eruption. Elizabeth, being half French, was capable of both modes. It wasn't fair. Again and again, Pepys had done what he could for Balty, usually in the form of "loans."

"There might be something in Deptford, at the dockyards. Let me make some inquiries."

"Oh, bravo. Thank you." Balty added, "Nothing too menial."

Pepys stared.

"I'm told I've got rather a good head on my shoulders," Balty said. "No sense wasting it putting me to work hefting sacks of gunpowder and dry biscuit all day. Eh?"

Pepys inwardly groaned, but his desire to be rid of Balty was greater than his temptation to box his ears. "I'll make inquiries." Pepys rubbed his forehead in exasperation.

"Valerian," Balty said.

"What?"

"Valerian. The herb. They call it the Phew Plant. On account of the stink." Balty pinched his nose. "But there's nothing better for headache. Or the colic."

"Thank you. But I have my hare's foot for that."

"Cures flatulence, too."

Pepys sighed and pointed to the door. "Go, Balty."

"Shall I stop in tomorrow?"

"Go."

Excerpted from The Judge Hunter by Christopher Buckley. Copyright © 2018 by Christopher Buckley. Excerpted by permission of Simon & Schuster. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.