Excerpt from Probably Ruby by Lisa Bird-Wilson, plus links to reviews, author biography & more

This excerpt contains sexually graphic content

Kal
2013

"I like to be in charge," said Ruby. "I pretend I like watching him jerk off, just so I won't have to touch him. My commitment level's kind of low on this one."

Kal's face showed no emotion. Instead he looked at the sunglasses resting on top of Ruby's head. Kal's office was in the interior of a downtown building and had no windows. Outside, it had been raining for days. He asked, "Is it sunny out there now, Ruby?"

His question made her laugh. She had a royal, attention-getting laugh, big enough to be heard out in Kal's waiting room. Which was good. Ruby wanted anyone out there to know Kal and she were having a great time. Try and top that, sucker. That's what she hoped her laugh said to any waiting client she'd subconsciously pegged as a rival for Kal's affections. And by "anyone" she mostly meant the shiny, obvious "Lori," seen on one occasion leaving his office and stopping to make an appointment on her way out; and, another time, waiting for Kal as Ruby left. In an effort to make him even more uniquely hers, she tried out a variety of nicknames on Kal. "Hey, Mister K," she'd said when she arrived today, to which he just shook his head and smiled, motioning for her to come in. She was pleased to make him smile like that.

Ruby carried on with the chitchat about her new boyfriend. "I say the dirtiest things to him, Kal. To get it over with quicker." 

He nodded. 

"Why are guys always so turned on by the idea of coming on your face?" she asked, pausing so he could think about that one. Ruby knew Kal was divorced and had recently started dating. He often told her personal things about himself as a way to relate to what she was going through. Because of this, he was her favorite kind of counselor. She listened carefully to his disclosures.

Sometimes she hit it off with a new counselor and sometimes she didn't. She usually gave it two appointments to decide, but honestly, a lot of them only deserved one chance, and even then she'd been known to cut the first hour short.

Take the counselor before Kal: Larry, with the huge wooden cross around his neck. So effing big, as if he was compensating for something. Or dragging it around doing penance. He had a serious Jesus complex, that one. She decided quickly: Jesus-counselor was not going to get the benefit of her attention—he said one thing about the "sanctity of the marriage bed" and she threw up a little bit in her mouth before she fled. After that she made sure to tell the assigning agent at the insurance company that she didn't want "Christian" counseling, thank you very much. 

In her experience, the people who stressed things the most or the loudest were the first ones to break their own rules. That's why she always liked to hear one of her counselors say they would "never" date a client. When they said that she couldn't help but think, Great. Now we're getting somewhere.

Ruby always fell for her counselors. That was the point, really. I mean here was this person and they only had eyes and ears for you. How could you not be crazy about that? You got to be in a room alone with someone who listened hard and cared about what you were saying. Ruby was also counselor-monogamous, as far as that went. That was, if monogamy meant one at a time, one after another. 

"You're really aware of your anxiety," Kal said during their first or second session. "You just don't quite know how to manage it." He was right. She hated to be alone. She sometimes felt she'd had kids to save her from being alone. But she could still be lonely. 

"I'm not all parent," she told Kal once. "I'm a person, too. I'm often selfish and greedy." In some ways, the boys were the only thing, and in other ways she needed so much more to save her from her sadness. 

Excerpted from Probably Ruby by Lisa Bird-Wilson. Copyright © 2022 by Lisa Bird-Wilson. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.