Excerpt from Theatre Of Marvels by Lianne Dillsworth, plus links to reviews, author biography & more

"He left," I said.

It wasn't unusual for a performance to leave me feeling strange. But tonight, it was more than this. I felt hollowed out. I sagged into her arms, and when the curtain closed for the interval, she half pulled, half dragged me from the stage.

* * *

I opened my eyes to Ellen's troubled face.

"You're back, then," she said and I felt her drop my hand, which she'd been holding. I raised my head slowly and paused while the room righted itself. I was propped up on the wooden chair in our dressing room, chilled and shivering despite the thick woolen blanket on my knees. I couldn't remember how I got there.

"Take this."

I shook my head but Ellen was firm and I ate the stale biscuit she offered, the crumbs gritty in my dry mouth. Barky entered with a cup of small beer and I drank it down gratefully.

"A bravura performance, Amazonia."

"Don't call me that."

"You actresses are always so precious."

Barky rolled his eyes. He may have been joking, but nonetheless I wanted to shake him. He thought I was being a prima donna, but it wasn't that at all. I threw myself into my performances, but since I started headlining, it had felt more and more important to make sure the gap between me and my act was clear. I wanted to explain it, but my mouth felt cottony and I couldn't find the words.

"No need to talk. You did very well tonight," Barky said.

He smiled at me but I saw him glance at Ellen, one eyebrow raised, questioning why I wasn't quite myself.

"I'll call Lord Woodward," he said.

"He's been sending the carriage for her," Ellen said, not troubling to hide the note of resentment in her voice.

"I want her accompanied when she leaves tonight," Barky said.

Vincent, coming to collect me? The thought of him now cut through the fog in my mind, but my limbs still felt floppy and loose. I couldn't let him see me like this.

"Help her, Ellen," Barky said. "Get her cleaned up."

He wasn't bothered about how good I looked for Vincent, but he was always on the alert that one of the audience would work out that I was Amazonia. Without the makeup and the costume and with my hair tied back, the resemblance was slight, but I was the only Black member of the company, and to be fair to him, someone sharp might put two and two together, especially if they noticed my filed nails. It was why Barky always ensured I stowed my costume and Amazonia's effects at the theatre, and had advised me to put on my gloves before I left.

Ellen took charge but the direct order from Barky must have riled her, because now she didn't trouble to be gentle. If I'd been strong enough, I would've pushed her away, done it myself. She was always pettish when Vincent came for me, but I could hardly blame her. As long as she'd been seeing Crillick, he'd never dreamt of sending a carriage for her, let alone picking her up himself. She sponged down my face, and scrubbed my body, wiping away Amazonia with strong strokes that left me feeling raw. When I was clean, she helped me on with my drawers and skirt, buttoned my corset, and scraped back my hair. I'd told her the tight curls weren't meant to be brushed, but she forced her way through the tangles from top to bottom and I ignored the pain as she weaved two plaits and jammed in a handful of pins to stop them unraveling.

"There. Happy now?" she said.

I stood up slowly, testing myself. Definitely more tired than usual. My own fault. I'd pushed myself hard, and all for nothing when the African hadn't even stayed to the end to appreciate it. Ah well. He wasn't anything to me. I looked in the small glass and pinched my cheeks to bring out the roses in them. I couldn't let Ellen's jealousy get me down. If Vincent was coming for me, it was important to look my best.

Excerpted from Theatre Of Marvels by Lianne Dillsworth. Copyright © 2022 by Lianne Dillsworth. Excerpted by permission of Harper. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.