Excerpt from The Silence that Binds Us by Joanna Ho, plus links to reviews, author biography & more

"Good grades aren't enough, Maybelline." She put a food container in the refrigerator and turned around. "You need to be doing more for your future."

"Okay, Ma." My hands scrubbed away with a life of their own. I closed my eyes and sucked in a lungful of air. Slowly, so it wouldn't seem like I was trying to be attitude-y.

I could feel her eyes on my back for a long minute before she sighed. "I am trying to help you, Maybelline."

I didn't respond. Speaking up would just make things worse.

As the minutes stretched forward, I peeked at the pot in my hands to make sure the Teflon was still intact before stacking it on the drying rack. Then I got to work on the larger bowls that didn't fit in the dishwasher. After bowls, I did the chopsticks and spoons. There's nothing satisfying about washing utensils, so I always wash them last. When I finished, I wiped my hands on a dish towel and brushed wordlessly past my mom.

3

I changed into a pair of baggy sweats and an oversized T-shirt before throwing myself onto my bed. It welcomed me with open arms, and I buried my face in a pillow. Its fluff softened the rougher edges of my frustration.

I reached under my mattress and pulled out my journal. I flipped past old doodles, poems, pages filled with the extremes of my emotions and memories, and started scribbling on the next blank page.

A beam of light stretched across the room as the door opened and a shadow slipped inside. I hurriedly tucked my journal back under my mattress. I never let anyone see my writing, not even my big brother.

Danny snuck in while whispering lyrics that graduated into a dramatic rendition of Sam Smith's song "Lay Me Down." He drew out the vowels for effect: "Can I lay by your side? Next to youuuuu ooooo oooo ooo oooo oooooo, yooouuuu ooo ooo ooo ooo oooooooo. And make sure you're alriiiiiightt?"

I smiled. "Wow, Danny. I didn't know you could make it sound even worse than usual."

He plopped down next to me and rolled up in the comforter. "You okay, May-May? I didn't hear the whole thing." Danny's nickname for me was a play on my name and mèi-mei, the Mandarin word for "little sister."

"It's the usual. It's worse when Celeste is here." I curled into his side, and he patted my head like I was a poodle.

He sighed. "The Google thing didn't help."

I threw up my hands. "Of course she got a Google internship. How perfect of her. She's on the fast track to valedictorian and getting invited to fancy internships, and what am I doing? Throwing away my life because I have no summer plans yet.'"

He made a pppfffft sound through his mouth and said, "There are worse things you could be doing."

"Like having a baby."

"Flunking weekend Chinese school."

"Getting a nose ring like Calvin's."

"Dude, I heard his mom tried to rip it out," Danny said as he winced and rubbed his nose.

"Of course she did." I mimicked my mom's voice: "Because 'nose rings are only for pigs and cows.'"

"His nose must be made of steel." We chuckled together, then lay quietly in the cradle of our laughter.

I paused before I rolled over and asked, "Why didn't you tell me about Princeton, Gē?"

Danny got serious. He stared up at the ceiling and shrank into himself. "I dunno," he whispered. "I wasn't that excited."

"Not excited? It's Princeton."

"I know. I should be excited, right? Everyone else is."

"But you're not." I turned and studied his face. His eyes were closed, and his chest rose as he sucked in air.

He shook his head. "I feel nothing."

"Well, maybe you're not meant to go there. You're a shoo-in everywhere else if you got into Princeton."

He shook his head again, then lay quietly for a few minutes. I asked, "You heard from Stanford again, didn't you?"

Excerpted from The Silence that Binds Us by Joanna Ho. Copyright © 2022 by Joanna Ho. Excerpted by permission of HarperTeen. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.