Excerpt from In Memoriam by Alice Winn, plus links to reviews, author biography & more

"Christ, Elly, don't do that!" said Gaunt, clutching the window ledge. Ellwood grinned and clambered back into the bedroom.

"Come on in, it's wet out there," he said.

Gaunt hurriedly took another breath of smoke and dropped his cigarette down a drainpipe. Ellwood was splayed out on the sofa, but when Gaunt sat on his legs, he curled them hastily out of the way.

"You loathed Cuthbert-Smith," said Ellwood.

"Yes. Well. I shall miss loathing him."

Ellwood laughed.

"You'll find someone new to hate. You always do."

"Undoubtedly," said Gaunt. But that wasn't the point. He had written nasty poems about Cuthbert-Smith, and Cuthbert-Smith (Gaunt was almost certain it was him) had scrawled, "Henry Gaunt is a German SPY" on the wall of the library cloakroom. Gaunt had punched him for that, but he would never have shot him in the stomach.

"I think I believe he'll be back next term, smug and full of tall tales from the front," said Ellwood, slowly.

"Maybe none of them will come back."

"That sort of defeatist attitude will lose us the War." Ellwood cocked his head. "Henry. Old Cuthbert-Smith was an idiot. He probably walked straight into a bullet for a lark. That's not what it will be like when we go."

"I'm not signing up."

Ellwood wrapped his arms around his knees, staring at Gaunt.

"Rot," he said.

"I'm not against all war," said Gaunt. "I'm just against this war. 'German militarism'—as if we didn't hold our empire through military might! Why should I get shot at because some Austrian archduke was killed by an angry Serb?"

"But Belgium—"

"Yes, yes, Belgian atrocities," said Gaunt. They had discussed all this before. They had even debated it, and Ellwood had beaten him, 596 votes to 4. Ellwood would have won any debate: the school loved him.

"But you have to enlist," said Ellwood. "If the War is even still on when we finish school."

"Why? Because you will?"

Ellwood clenched his jaw and looked away.

"You will fight, Gaunt," he said.

"Oh, yes?"

"You always fight. Everyone." Ellwood rubbed a small flat spot on his nose with one finger. He often did that. Gaunt wondered if Ellwood resented that he had punched it there. They had only fought once. It hadn't been Gaunt who started it.

"I don't fight you," he said.

"ϒνῶθι σεαυτόν," said Ellwood.

"I do know myself!" said Gaunt, lunging at Ellwood to smother him with a pillow, and for a moment neither of them could talk, because Ellwood was squirming and shrieking with laughter while Gaunt tried to wrestle him off the sofa. Gaunt was strong, but Ellwood was quicker, and he slipped through Gaunt's arms and fell to the floor, helpless with laughter. Gaunt hung his head over the side, and they pressed their foreheads together.

"Fighting like this, you mean?" said Gaunt, when they had got their breath back. "Wrestle the Germans to death?"

Ellwood stopped laughing, but he didn't move his forehead. They were still for a moment, hard skull against hard skull, until Ellwood pulled away and leant his face into Gaunt's arm.

All of Gaunt's muscles tensed at the movement. Ellwood's breath was hot. It reminded Gaunt of his dog back home, Trooper. Perhaps that was why he ruffled Ellwood's hair, his fingers searching for strands the wax had missed. He hadn't stroked Ellwood's hair in years, not since they were thirteen-year-olds in their first year at Preshute and he would find Ellwood huddled in a heap of tears under his desk.

But they were in Upper Sixth now, their final year, and almost never touched each other.

Ellwood was very still.

"You're like my dog," said Gaunt, because the silence was heavy with something.

Ellwood tugged away.

"Thanks."

"It's a good thing. I'm very fond of dogs."

"Right. Anything you'd like me to fetch? I'm starting to get the hang of newspapers, although my teeth still leave marks."

Excerpted from In Memoriam by Alice Winn. Copyright © 2023 by Alice Winn. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.