Excerpt from Loved and Missed by Susie Boyt, plus links to reviews, author biography & more

I would be pure, for there are those who care;
I would be strong, for there is much to suffer;
I would be brave, for there is much to dare.
I would be friend of all– the foe, the friendless;
I would be giving, and forget the gift;
I would be humble, for I know my weakness;
I would look up, and laugh, and love, and live.

I took my seat again. 'Miss,' Sheila was saying, 'miss,' and she squeezed my arm. I hoped Ben and Eleanor didn't mind I had introduced notes of sadness. they had introduced them to me.

'Very nice,' the priest said. Jean Reynolds from school would have been impressed. She would have nudged me sharply in the ribs and stage-whispered, 'Good job!' Even Eleanor smiled. Why was Ben's mother not here? Wasn't this whole thing her idea? Had there been some last-minute clash or boycott? Eleanor once said Ben's mum didn't think Lily was his. Something about her colouring being off, apparently.

Afterwards Lily giggled and made free with her cuddles. It was so generous of her to think everything was funny. It might just be me, but I sometimes found babies a bit cynical round the edges. their been-here-before auras often registered as smug. No other species considered itself so distinguished while being so glaringly generic, surely? But Lily was civilised and high-spirited. She met the world with wonder and awe. She was aware of her strengths but she didn't think she knew everything like some babies. She understood that in the grand scheme of things she had been born yesterday. I was in love with her, I suppose. I was making myself smile again. Lily's outlook was healthy, she was very taken with life, squeezing delight out of a mushroom or a cotton reel, pretty amazing when you consider she was half poisoned before she was even born.

I felt arrows of rage rising in me, fraught images spreading like bloodstains. there's no point, I told myself. I reached for the ordinary decoys. It won't get you anywhere. Think of the outcome you want and make sure you are moving towards it. Got to be practical. That was what I always told the girls at school. there is so much in life that doesn't matter, so many things that hold you back, hem you in and throw you off the scent of what's important. Don't get too bogged down in things that don't count or things you cannot influence, and specifically don't worry too much about making sure others know you're in the right, because it so easily gets in the way of what you want and need. Become an expert at shrugging most of life off and free yourself for what really interests you. Hone your focus. Don't bother with cleaning or tidiness beyond basic hygiene. Don't make your appearance your primary concern. It will zap all your creativity. Be as self-sufficient as you dare. Sometimes you hold more strength when people don't know what you think or feel, so be very careful whom you confide in. People can run with your difficulties when you least expect it, distort them, relish them even, and before you know it they're not yours any more. Respect your privacy. And earn your own money or you'll lack power. Take good care of your friendships, nurture them and they'll strengthen you. Don't turn frowning at the defects of other people into a hobby, delicious though it may be; it poisons you. Read every day– it is a practice that dignifies humans. Become a great reader of books and it will help you with reality, you'll more easily grasp the truth of things and that will set you up for life. And don't expose your brain to low-quality art forms because there will be a certain measure of pollution.

We all had our sermons to give.

Excerpted from Loved and Missed by Susie Boyt. Copyright © 2023 by Susie Boyt. Excerpted by permission of New York Review Books. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.