Excerpt from The First Time by Joy Fielding, plus links to reviews, author biography & more

"The joys of call display," she sneered, picturing Jake sitting behind the heavy oak desk that occupied a full third of his less-than-spacious office on the forty-second floor of the John Hancock Building in downtown Chicago. The office, one of 320 similar offices making up the prestigious law firm of Richardson, Buckley and Lang, had floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking Michigan Avenue, and stylish Berber carpeting, but was too small by half to contain Jake's growing practice, a practice that seemed to be skyrocketing daily, especially since the press had lately turned him into something of a local celebrity. It seemed her husband had a knack for choosing seemingly impossible cases, and winning. Still, Mattie doubted that even Jake's considerable skill and formidable charm would be enough to win an acquittal for a young man who'd admitted to killing his mother in an act of undeniable premeditation, and then proudly boasted of the killing to his friends.

Was it possible Jake had already left for court? Mattie glanced at the two digital clocks on the other side of the room. The clock on the microwave oven said it was 8:32; the clock on the regular oven below it read 8:34.

She was about to hang up when the phone was answered between the fourth and fifth ring. "Mattie, what's up?" Jake's voice was strong, hurried, a voice that announced it had little time for small talk.

"Jake, hi," Mattie began, her own voice delicate and tentative. "You were out the door so fast this morning, I didn't get a chance to wish you good luck."

"I'm sorry. I couldn't wait for you to get up. I had to go -- "

"No, that's fine. I didn't mean to imply -- " Not on the phone ten seconds, and already she'd managed to make him uncomfortable. "I just wanted to wish you good luck. Not that you'll need it. I'm sure you'll be brilliant."

"You can never have too much good luck," Jake said.

Words to write on a fortune cookie, Mattie thought.

"Look, Mattie. I really have to get going. I appreciate your call -- "

"I was thinking of coming to court this morning."

"Please don't do that," he said quickly. Far too quickly. "I mean, it's not really necessary."

"I know what you mean," she said, not bothering to disguise her disappointment. Obviously, there was a reason he didn't want her in court. Mattie wondered what the reason looked like, then pushed the unwelcome thought aside. "Anyway, I just called to wish you good luck." How many times had she said that already? Three? Four? Didn't she know when it was time to say good-bye, time to exit gracefully, time to pack up her good wishes and her pride and move on?

"I'll see you later." Jake's voice resonated with that fake, too-cheery tone that was too big for the thought being expressed. "Take care of yourself."

"Jake -- " Mattie began. But either he didn't hear her or he pretended not to, and the only response Mattie got was the sound of the receiver being dropped into its carriage. What had she been about to say? That she knew all about his latest affair, that it was time for them to admit that neither was happy in this prolonged farce of a marriage, that it was time to call it a day? The party's over, she heard faint voices sing as she hung up the phone.

Mattie moved slowly out of the kitchen into the large center hallway. But her right foot had fallen asleep again, and she had trouble securing her footing. She stumbled, hopping for several seconds on her left foot across the blue-and-gold needlepoint rug while her right heel sought in vain to find the floor. She realized she was falling, and even more frightening, that she could do nothing to stop it, ultimately giving in to the inevitable, and crashing down hard on her rear end. She sat for several seconds in stunned silence, temporarily overwhelmed by the indignity of it all. "Damn you, Jake," she said finally, choking down unwanted tears. "Why couldn't you have just loved me? Would it have been so hard?"

Copyright © 2000 by Joy Fielding