Excerpt from Self Matters by Dr Phillip McGraw, plus links to reviews, author biography & more

"I want to make me happy by being true to myself doing what I care about. If I love music, I want to have music in my life. If I want a career, then I want to find a way to have it. If I'm tired of being fat, I want to prioritize that change into my lifestyle. If I'm not being treated with dignity and respect, that's not okay, not now, not ever. I would rather be alone than sick with someone else. If I miss God being in my life because my husband is not spiritual, then he will need to adjust, not me. I'm tired of being scared all the time. Scared about kids, money, job, boss, parents, and acceptance. I want some upside here. I want to feel alive. I want to feel valued by others and myself. I want to get up in the morning, instead of dreading it. I want to have tremendous clarity about why I am in this world and what I am supposed to do while I am here. I want to realize this is not a dress rehearsal; it is my life, my one shot. I want my kids to know and have all of me instead of some half-assed counterfeit. I want them to really see all of the real me, my interest, my sense of humor, my values. I believe that children learn what they live, and I want to teach them by example to be proud, instead of showing them how to compromise. I want to live with peace, fulfillment, joy, and excitement. I want to be able to finish a day and say that the day 'felt really good.' I want to be able to say that I am proud of me and proud of what I did today. I want to be able to say, 'I like who I am and what I'm all about.' I want to feel calm and peaceful. I want to feel satisfied. I want to be able to say, 'I feel good.' I want to feel like I belong and I deserve what I want just because -- just because! I want to like me for being there for me and putting what's important to me on my priority list."

Are you in total shock right now? You're probably thinking I've gone walleyed, steer-headed, over-the-top "selfish-crazy."

Wrong! That's just your politically correct, "tell 'em what they want to hear" thinking taking over. How can it be selfish to take care of yourself when you know that it's absolutely true that you cannot give away what you do not have? So, if you're being self-righteously selfless, you may be a great, well-intentioned martyr, but regardless of your intentions you will cheat everyone in your life -- your kids, spouse, friends, coworkers, your church -- you cheat the whole world out of you. Even the Bible tells us to "love your neighbor as yourself." You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else.

How long has it been, if ever, that you really, no kidding, guilt free, took care of you? Ask yourself how long it's been since you could say, "I am doing what I'm doing today because it's what I want to do today, instead of doing what I'm doing today simply because it's what I was doing yesterday?"

Well, I don't want you to mindlessly go from one day to the next anymore. I want you to make a deep, uncompromised, committed decision to bringing your world in line with the person that you truly, authentically are. I don't want you living consistent with some fictional self that doesn't have a damn thing to do with you or what's important to you. I want you to start asking yourself what is important to you: What do you want? What do you need to be part of your life? Look at the following list and see if you can spot things on there that you wish were a part of your life, or were at least a bigger part of your life, yet they just aren't:

Music
Art
Work
Kids
Spiritual life
Honesty
Free time
Pride in work
Pride in appearance
Living with dignity
Health
Being in nature
A career that uses your strengths
Permission to say, do, and be who you are
Volunteer work
Hobby
Different lifestyle
Passion
Excitement

Copyright © 2001 by Phillip C. McGraw