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Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers
by Gordon Neufeld, Gabor Maté
Book Reviewed by:From the book jacket: A psychologist with a reputation for
penetrating to the heart of complex parenting issues joins forces with a
physician and bestselling author to tackle one of the most disturbing and
misunderstood trends of our time -- peers replacing parents in the lives of
our children.
Dr. Neufeld has dubbed this phenomenon peer orientation, which refers to the
tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction: for a
sense of right and wrong, for values, identity and codes of behavior. But
peer orientation undermines family cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere,
and fosters an aggressively hostile and sexualized youth culture. It
provides a powerful explanation for schoolyard bullying and youth violence;
its effects are painfully evident in the context of teenage gangs and
criminal activity, in tragedies such as in Littleton, Colorado; Tabor,
Alberta and Victoria, B.C. It is an escalating trend that has never been
adequately described or contested until Hold On to Your Kids. Once
understood, it becomes self-evident -- as do the solutions.
Comment: As children grow it is inevitable, and a good thing, that
they start to gravitate away from their parents to establish identities for
themselves. However, Gordon Neufeld makes a very strong case
that the modern-day trend for children to become peer-orientated at
increasingly early ages, often actively encouraged by their parents, does
not give a child the opportunity to establish the healthy identity that most
parents hope for their children, but, ironically does quite the opposite,
causing them to suppress their individuality, curiosity and
intelligence in order to fit the group norm.
Neufeld, a Canadian developmental psychologist, suggests that in order
to reverse the trend towards "tribalization", parents need to
recognize how vital the adult-child relationship is to their children, and he offers effective strategies for preserving or restoring a
caring adult-child hierarchy in which our children can grow into the happy,
productive adults we hope they will be.
His book quickly hit the bestseller charts when it was published in
Canada about two years ago, having received glowing reviews from both "experts" and parents. His advice is both timely and well-written. For more about him and his views, visit BookBrowse or his website at
www.gordonneufeld.com.
This review
first ran in the October 5, 2006
issue of BookBrowse Recommends.
If you liked Hold On To Your Kids, try these:
by Hara Estroff Marano
Published 2008
Wake up, America: We’re raising a nation of wimps.
Hothouse parenting has hit the mainstream—with disastrous effects. Teens lack leadership skills. College students engage in deadly binge drinking. Graduates can’t even negotiate their own salaries without bringing mom or dad in for a consult.
by Jodi Picoult
Published 2008
Sterling is a small, ordinary New Hampshire town where nothing ever happens -- until the day its complacency is shattered by a shocking act of violence. In the aftermath, the town's residents must not only seek justice in order to begin healing but also come to terms with the role they played in the tragedy.
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