(2/2/2015)
Irritable Hearts: A PTSD Love Story is an irritable but utterly fascinating memoir by Mac McClelland, a journalist in her young thirties, who specializes in stories about breaking crises in chaotic and dangerous environments. She went to Haiti in 2010 to cover the rape epidemic encouraged by the island's deeper dip into lawlessness and poverty caused by the monster earthquake earlier in the year. During that visit, she saw something so horrific (even in the book, she does not give details), that it significantly rearranged the neurons in her brain in the way all trauma does. The book narrates the two-plus years of disregulation in emotion, thought and behavior that resulted in the awful loneliness, roiling emotions, disconnection, and overwhelm that every trauma victim suffers.
"Irritable Hearts" is a name given in 1871 by a doctor named Da Costa to the battle fatigue found in soldiers after the American Civil War. I call the book itself "irritable" because I found the author, her story, and her writing completely annoying for the first 90 pages. I become absorbed by any memoir far more quickly if I immediately find the narrator reliable and likeable. At first I found Mac neither. This woman went by herself to a country that was without a functioning police, government, or infrastructure. She hired male guides and taxi drivers she hardly knew to go visit rape shelters. She began an immediate affair with a French soldier she met in the hotel swimming pool in that previously-described country. She presented herself right away as hard-drinking and heavy-smoking. And she was surprised to be exposed to trauma? Seriously? As a woman who has traveled widely by herself, I judged her all over the place. As far as I was concerned, Mac violated the major commandment of women who travel alone: First, invite no harm. Her breathtaking disregard for her own safety made my hair stand on end. Also, it took work to get used to her writing style, a jumble of convoluted sentences, moving back and forth in time, imparting far too many ideas all at once.
But I didn't quit reading. And after the first 100 pages, after she convinced me that staging rough sex with a male friend, and writing about it for Mother Jones, actually helped her with her PTSD, a change in my attitude occurred. Completely counter-intuitively, I developed a grudging respect for her. Which grew. I got used to her writing style. I admired the way she chose wise and knowledgeable therapists to help her. Her fight with her disordered mind seemed to last and last, but she never gave up.
My faith in her journalistic skills increased with each page. In the midst of this crazy story, she had read, and managed to include, important material from the major historical and psychological literature on trauma. She'd really done her homework. I know this because I am a psychotherapist, and one reason I chose to review this book was that I wish to deepen my specialty in trauma by learning about it from the inside out. Mac's story contributed layers of insight. As her story unfolded, I saw the links between her disordered thoughts and emotions and those of my own traumatized clients. I saw the societal denial and the stigmatizing attitude she describes in my own reactions. This book is not for everyone. But if you've ever been interested as to why soldiers with PTSD seek redeployment, why "rescued" prostitutes return to "the life," why drug addicts that have been clean for 10 years can snap and end up in an alley with a needle in their arms, you will appreciate the insights in this book.
Oh, and by the way, that ill-considered affair that began in a Haitian swimming pool? It lasted, despite the fact that Mac lived in San Francisco and Nick in rural France. He was exactly the healing influence she needed, able to hang in while her moods swung wildly, because he himself was trauma survivor. It was another example of the "across a crowded room" phenomenon, the mysterious way people sense their mutual compatibility instantly. Read this book if you dare.