(2/11/2021)
Having a beloved person die immerses us in painful sadness that takes an indeterminate amount of time to process. Carol Smith has written Crossing the River: Seven Stories That Saved My Life, a Memoir that relates her own path of grieving for her only child, Christopher, who dies at age ten of “natural” causes. What could be worse than losing your only child? For Smith it is not only that her cherished son has died, but that she was not with her child when he passed. How can she possibly ‘forget’ this, or him? Smith states that ‘letting go’ of her grief and guilt was the same to her as ‘forgetting’ him, and that would mean Christopher’s life never mattered. Unacceptable! Yet, her ‘living with’ interminable grief was not the answer either because she isolated herself from Life.
At one point, Smith is faced with a conundrum: When asked “Do you have children?” what should she say? ‘Christopher is my child’ or ‘Christopher was my child.’ The simple statements made no sense to her. She couldn’t make either be true. The author relates that she read in the New York Times that in the Khmer language the term for giving birth (chhlong tonle) means (“to cross the river”). In her grief she feels like she is being swept away by rushing waters, that she is drowning. Yet, she cannot die because who will remember her sweet son? There is no answer to 'why my child?' Her child’s death impels her to look at how other people grieve under their own painful circumstances.
As a journalist at Seattle Post- Intelligencer, (she previously worked at the Los Angeles Times), Smith’s boss suggests that Smith try her hand at medical stories. Since she’d been immersed in medicine with her son’s health problems for ten years, it seemed reasonable. Smith deftly investigates, probes, researches, and reports on seven people who each face a unique medical situation. It is through her immersion in each of these stories that Smith begins to realize that there is trans-formative power in loss, and that Hope and loss, Joy and sorrow, Grace and grief can co-exist.
Carol Smith writes so well that even though the reader is exposed to some horrific circumstances in a few stories, the book and its “lessons” move along. This book could do well as a book club choice if members are first aware of the author’s reason for writing.