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Lauri Z. (Washington, DC)
"Heartbreak: A Personal and Scientific Journey" by Florence Williams
First, let me say I loved this book, however it may not be for everyone. I'm not a science geek but I do find it fascinating to learn about the deeper interaction of such emotion-driven behaviors as love on our brain and bodies. That being said, I learned a lot about the author's exploration of human loneliness and found it particularly relevant in the era of COVID 19.
Williams sets the tone for each chapter with a quotation, and ultimately when strung together allows us to follow her personal journey to understand the loneliness of her heartbreak from an unexpected divorce. The author specifies her purpose for exploring this topic right up front: "Our bodies want to feel safe and to feel loved. What happens to us when we lose that attachment is the central theme of the book." She follows this with an opening quotation by Marilynne Robinson's from the book of Gilead in chapter two that brings the reader closer to her intent: entitled "The Heart: It is a strange thing to feel wellness and grief in the same organ. There is no telling one from the other."
I was intrigued immediately when Williams wondered if an anti-loneliness drug, beyond the current serotonin uptake pills, could be created by studying the science of brain circuitry. I pondered this possibility and its potential impact on human interaction. Could this be life changing for the human race? Despite Williams' acknowledgment of the fact that most of us can't personally study our own bodies in the context of actual scientific methods, I was happy to hear her say that all is not lost for the average person, because we can learn to read our moods to achieve some understanding of the correlation between the brain and emotions. This kept me reading, and maybe questioning if this could be true for me.
It never occurred to me that there are any, let alone very few scientific studies on this subject that Williams was keen on learning about to concretely explain her personal heartbreak. Who knew that there was even research studying the "cellular fingerprints of heartache." This was a wow for me. While the author is not a scientist she wanted to go beyond her journey of talk therapy to see if there was more she could do to help herself cope with the devastating impact of her divorce on her daily emotional functioning. Even though I am not personally (thankfully) currently experiencing this degree of pain, I was captivated by her seemingly desperate need to "fix" herself.
Williams dug deep, subjecting herself to multiple lab studies of her blood, personality tests and traveling the world meeting with experts, both social behaviorists and scientific minds. I went along for the ride which was fascinating. At the end of her book she said "I'd been undertaking the rituals all along, albeit ones largely rooted in science, but resolution of the impact of loneliness is still not easy, even knowing science."
But I thought it was okay for me not to come away with a concrete "solution" to the human emotion of loneliness and still love the book. But back to the pill…a reality?
As if Williams' premise was being validated, I just saw that a new book was published in 2021, "Seek You: A Journey Through American Loneliness: The History of Loneliness".
Who knew…
Peggy H. (North East, PA)
The Science Behind Heartbreak
Just as Nora Ephron dissects a breakup from an emotional (and funny) point of view, Florence Williams in "Heartbreak" tries to give meaning to her personal pain by scientific explanations. We follow her journey from learning that her 25-year marriage is in peril with all of the physical reactions of her body as well as the mental breakdowns over the course of several years. It is fascinating to learn that the loss of a loved one (not through death) creates real physiological changes. All of the information is extremely interesting and presented in a clear and easy to understand fashion.
Gloria F. (York, PA)
Who hasn't had their heart broken at least once?
How do you mend a broken heart? Florence Williams asks that question when her decades-long marriage runs aground and then shatters. Because she is a science journalist, she takes the question to the experts. I was amazed at how many scientists are investigating how heartbreak affects our physical and mental wellness. Florence takes their findings and advice and applies them to her own life. She meditates, experiments with mind-altering drugs, takes nature trips and meets people in all stages of heartbreak survival. The book is filled with interesting insights. For me, things bogged down a bit when she described her river trips, but maybe that's because I'm not so much an outdoors person. Overall, it was a great read. In the end, she discovers that time does indeed heal all wounds.
Shannon L. (Portland, OR)
Heartbreak is not heartbreaking!
"It takes a lot of support to heal a heart," says journalist Florence Williams in her latest book, Heartbreak, A Personal and Scientific Journey. Support, courage and the skill to write about that journey makes Heartbreak a gripping account of grief and healing. It is a merging of self-discovery and science that can change the way we think about loneliness and our health.
After twenty-five-years, journalist Williams' marriage unexpectedly fell apart. Her despair was so severe that she ended up in the hospital, something she would never have imagined. "Physically, I felt like my body had been plugged into a faulty socket." Williams had lost weight and stopped sleeping. Her pancreas wasn't working and she couldn't think straight. She needed to do something about it.
This was heartbreak and Williams wanted answers to the "havoc" occurring on her mind and body. Her first step was to revert to her comfort zone – journalism. She began by examining something called "social pain," the way our cells listen to loneliness. Williams wanted to understand why heartbreak hurts so much. Searching for understanding and trying out her own personal game plan were her way back to health. She tested her blood for genetic markers of grief, underwent electrical shock therapy and discovered that our immune cells listen to loneliness.
Heartbreak follows a trajectory of heartbreak, from moments of shock to feelings of rejection and loneliness and finally toward some measure of repair. Williams takes her readers down a path from from neurological research laboratories to a Zen therapist's living room, from divorce workshops to the mountains and rivers that will eventually restore her.
Williams book begins with a river and ends with a river. Williams opening statement is talking about her trying to load it on to the bow of her canoe as she prepares for a solitary trip down the Green River in Utah. "My biggest problem was the portable toilet. It was just too heavy."
Her journey ends on a rainy April day by the shore of the Potomac River. Purging herself of the of the physical and emotional relics of her marriage, Williams sends her wedding ring floating downstream on a lettuce boat.
We have all experienced some form of loss or grief. In Heartbreak, Williams tackles these tough, complex subjects in an offbeat way. It is a gripping account of personal grief and self-discovery and is written with warmth, wit and honesty. She captures the heart of divorce and a different, fresh way to look at recovery. I found it a powerful book.
Williams is a journalist, podcaster and the author of The Nature Fix and Breasts. She is an editor, freelance author and both a fellow and visiting scholar at George Washington University. She lives in Washington D.C.
Lorraine D. (Lacey, WA)
Heartbreak - A Resource For Overcoming Divorce and Other Significant Lossess
In her new book, Heartbreak, Florence Williams turns her personal heartbreak from a divorce into a pilgrimage in pursuit of discovery and healing. This remarkable journey is propelled by her desire to understand the nature of heartbreak itself. Why is her body reacting as it is? What, if any, are the tools one can use to fortify and move forward? Where and who does she need to turn to, if anyone or any place, to find the solutions? Will she ever feel pre-divorce normal again? Her path takes her on a route into the study of the science of heartbreak…yes, there is such a thing. This journey required inquisitiveness, openness, flexibility, durability, courage, and determination. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and found the science behind heartbreak interesting and valuable. Heartbreak is an eye-opener, and the telling, coupled with the research information provided, can benefit a broad range of people for a wide variety of reasons.
Karla (Massachusetts)
Surprisingly wonderful
This book isn't necessarily one that I would have picked out at this stage in my life but I'm very glad that I got the opportunity to read it as an advance copy. I really enjoyed how the author wove her personal journey with the science of heartbreak. I have never personally been through a divorce but I could relate in other ways with what she was saying and I will be using some of her strategies to help with other parts of my life. It's a great book for anyone that is looking to understand how love and loss impacts so much of how our bodies work. Everything is connected and I'm so thankful that we have scientists to help us unravel the wonders of being alive.
Janice P. (South Woodstock, VT)
A Helpful Grasp of Grief
Chances are that if you're reading this review, it's because you, too, are struggling to cope with some type of loss.
After "three decades of togetherness… I would be facing an uncertain future without the partner I'd had since I was 18 years old," Florence Williams begins her unique, very readable blend of memoir and research into every kind of grief—from divorce, or social rejection or isolation, to the death of a loved one. Wisely she is focused less on rehashing her own past and more on what might helps her, and us, to move forward.
In particular, Williams explores the mind-body connection, the physiology of attachment and loss or rejection, whether with infant animals or adult humans. Why does it hurt so much, and what can we do about it? In many cases, she shows us, even the scientists who study it have been driven by a personal need to know. Beyond that, there's the case to be made (and Williams makes it very strongly) that heartbreak can pose an existential threat, on every level.
This is not a facile "self help" guide but a deep look into the ways that we experience and respond to grief, drawing together the insights of medicine, psychology, sports, philosophy and even literature. Our age, gender, personality and genetics play a part; so does our culture. It's up to the reader to decide what to take away from this book, but at the very least, I found it helpful to learn more about the ways that my unique struggle is nonetheless entirely natural. And that some risks are worth taking, understanding more fully what is at stake.
Stephanie K. (Glendale, AZ)
A Heartbreaker to Read and Mull Over
This book about love lost in the form of rejection and subsequent divorce is a timely and compassionate approach to heartbreak. I think most every adult alive, male or female, divorced or not, can identify with being told to take a hike and the effects this has on them mentally, physically and spiritually. Having been both a bookseller as well as a library assistant, I can truthfully say that this book belongs as a welcome addition to any professional or personal shelf. The author not only deftly steers us through the shoals of her own breakup, she also helps us to see the why and how of relationship toxicity and the way we may most quickly and efficiently recover from such devastation. Her honesty concerning her own mistakes and misgivings is refreshing and encouraging. Read this book to learn how to become functional and whole again following a bad breakup.