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With or Without You by Domenica Ruta

With or Without You

A Memoir

by Domenica Ruta

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  • Published:
  • Feb 2013, 224 pages
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There are currently 37 reader reviews for With or Without You
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Ann W. (new york, NY)

With or Without You
"I see the awakening of consciousness as a series of spaced flashes, with the intervals between them gradually diminishing until bright blocks of perception are formed, affording memory and a slippery hold." Vladimir Nabokov, 'Speak, Memory'. I had been reading this in memory of a dear friend who died in her sleep in late September. His language is sensual, lush and inviting. I want to look at butterflies and let me senses evoke memories.

After finishing rereading 'Speak, Memory' and listening to it as well, I picked up Ruta's lyrical memoir. I wanted my friend. I wanted to read her passages and share my wonder. "We're lonesome. That's all. There isn't a word in the English language more beautiful than lonesome…the whole world could be contained in that single word."

Her book is an elegant and rich evocation of a life lived in all its grandeur; her love, her hate, her anger and what might be termed the full catastrophe. I was delighted to read of her adventure at Nablov's birthplace in St. Petersburg; to be reminded of his dogs. In her memoir, there is compassion, humor, sadness sorrow and self-inflected pain. Ultimately, she creates herself, one step at a time.

As I have been reading it, I have told all my dog waiting friends to read it. I have quoted passages. We need books and stories that affect us like a disaster, that grieve us deeply as the death of a close friend. With or without you does that. After finishing the last pages, I started rereading it.
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Sylvia G. (Scottsdale, AZ)

Excellent, wish there were 6 stars!
Loved this book! I'm fascinated with books about dysfunctional families when there is survival and redemption and Ruta's story is one of the best. The writing is wonderful and the story is harrowing, funny, and inspirational. I've reviewed quite a few books for First Impressions, and I've never given 5 stars. Don't miss this book.
Kat F. (Palatine, IL)

Like looking at a bad accident
This was not the book to read over the holidays. While the writing was excellent, the story itself was horrific, kind of like driving past a bloody accident scene. You know you should look away and keep going, but something compels you to slow down and gawk.

With all the violence against children that we can't control these days, to read about a mother that deliberately abused her daughter, both mentally and physically was extremely depressing and enraging. To deliberately put your child in harms way, repeatedly, reserves you a special place in hell in my mind.

Though Kathi, the mother, made me sick, I still had hope the daughter could overcome. I couldn't read this book for any length of time; I had to put it down and calm down. In order to objectively review the book, I had to take time to digest it and think about it when I was finished.
I guess that makes it a good book, but not a nice story.

Would I recommend it to anyone? Probably not as it was much too dark and depressing for me.
Penny N. (Saginaw, MI)

Abuse is painful
This memoir burns everything you have, from the body to the soul. The book is well written and perhaps just saves the author's life. Being born puts a small child in the wrong lane of life and a having a dysfunctional family overloads her mind and body. This all stems from family drug use, poverty and mistreatment carried forward from past generations. Nikki as the writer/subject is called, has a survivor mentality but not always. There is humor in the book as well as pain. Some pages you have to force yourself to read.
I put the book down several times and it always drew me back. I hope the world is alright for Nikki...
Janice C. (Hayward, CA)

With Or Without You
This is an excellent memoir. Hard to read knowing how many young women have lived through such an ordeal. Domenica Ruta gives them hope that with a lot of perseverance you can overcome a difficult childhood. I am looking forward to reading my next Domenica Ruta book.
Trezeline B. (Columbia, MD)

A Story of Strength and Courage
This is a memoir. A very interesting story of a young girl who grew up without guidance and protection. In spite of this, the young lady survives and manages to go to college and learn how to live. This was very inspirational.
Gwendolyn D. (Houston, TX)

Good but not what I expected
I was originally attracted to this book by its title. Having grown up on U2, this title evoked a certain sentimental yearning that I associate with the U2 song of the same title. Needless to say, the book is nothing like the song. This is a tough-to-read memoir that tells the story of the author's gritty and difficult childhood. The memoir is well-written, but I was so sad for this little girl and what she was forced to lived through that I had a hard time finishing the book. A masterful accomplishment, for sure, but emotionally draining to read.
Sharon A. (Tierra Verde, FL)

To Be or Not To Be
Beautifully written, hard to put down, but an extremely tough story to read about. Many may be turned off about the subject matter, but we need to know about the bad things that go on in the world too. It is authors like Ms Ruta that make us aware of family dynamics that might not be a part of our world. This would be a good book for teen groups as well as professionals, as it could draw out discussions of personal experiences.

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