What do readers think of With or Without You by Domenica Ruta? Write your own review.

A well-written, painful to read book, With or Without You describes the author's horrific childhood with a verbally abusive, drug addicted mother, who somehow manages to provide her with a good education and the means to both ruin her own life and rescue herself. I can't say I liked the book, because it was hard to read about a child having to endure what she went through, from being raped by her "uncle" to the mortification of seeing her home through a friend's eyes. However, I wouldn't say I don't like it either. Ruta's writing makes the story compelling and beautiful, despite all of its awful, depressing details.

The description of With or Without You compared the book to another memoir, Glass Castle. I was hesitant to read Domenica Ruta's memoir because I had found Glass Castle to be very negative and dark. However, Miss Ruta was able to bring humor and compassion to her recollections.

Having grown up in an alcoholic home, I understand how it is easy to be judgmental and bitter about childhood situations. Miss Ruta showed maturity and wisdom when describing her very different mother. It seemed to me that she was able to look back with Pollyana eyes and appreciate her mother for what she was. How often do our expectations cause us to miss the value of the person close to us?

I couldn't write this review immediately after reading WITH OR WITHOUT YOU. It is a very readable memoir about growing up as the daughter of an alcoholic drug addict who wants all the same things for her daughter, and is afraid to turn in the pedophile "uncle" because of what he knows about HER. What a terrible life Nikki had, yet she doesn't seem to feel sorry for herself. I do have to wonder how she could recall so much of her earlier life, considering the amount of drugs and booze she consumed. I can't say that I enjoyed the book, but it is quite a powerful, well-written story, and I hope the author's recovery continues.

I started this memoir expecting another Glass Castle. It is not that. The writing is not lyrical but dry; even the bit of humor is dry. Domenica Ruta was raised by a drug addicted mother who did her best to fuel a daughter's addictions. Though her biological father lived close by in their small working class town, he had his own problems and Domenica's need for attention and nurturing developed into a love/hate relationship with this highly toxic mother.

About halfway through the memoir, the balance shifted. The young girl was a reader destined to become a writer. The series of circumstances that led to that destiny, involving both help and more hurt from her mother, finally enabled Domenica to get control of her own life. By the end, I had been reading as fast as I could just to see what would happen next.

With or Without You is most similar to Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? as far as memoirs go. I would not call it redemptive or hopeful but it is powerful and compulsively readable.

The mother-daughter relationship has been hashed over many times and I believe that there is a very good reason. We are all trying to understand our relationships with our relatives and trying to survive them. Some people have good relationships with their parents but even at the best of times family can drive us crazy. To what degree and what ends to we let them rule our lives after we turn 18? This is a story about coming to terms with what we could not control as children and accepting all that has happened to us. There will always be tensions between mothers and daughters. Yes, that sounds like a story that has been told but everyone's story is different. If you are trying to understand your own relationship with your parents or which way to turn your life you will enjoy this story. If you just want to understand how other people really grew up you will too. I will say there I got lost at a few points when it goes back and forth in time with no leading into where you are going and that was a little frustrating. But I know one thing Ms. Ruta was not alone in the way she was raised and many of us have been too quiet on admitting and overcoming it. If we want a different relationship with our own children then we must face this.

Domenica Ruta is a courageous woman, and an admirable fighter for her own life. With or Without You is the story of her first 30 years and her struggle to recover from an abusive childhood. Nikki uses humor and her great intelligence to protect herself when her family, especially her mother, exposes her to harm. Even while she understands her mother's flaws, she is strongly connected to her. She frees herself by stages, and as Nikki's alcoholism grows worse and worse, she inches towards a decision in favor of survival. Nikki's story is sadly familiar. She is an insightful writer who has learned to hide her feelings so thoroughly that she tells her own story from 30,000 feet, as it were. I don't know if Nikki will ever come to terms with her feelings, and if she does, she might just choose to keep it to herself. I would love to hear from her again in this or any other format, but on the basis of her first book, I would especially like to see her try fiction.

This is a tough book because it is a very tough true story. I had to pace myself as I read this or the story got to be too much for me. This author wrote about her life which was extremely difficult and with her own struggle with alcohol and self worth. I thought that her writing had the edge of a survivor and clearly despite many set backs, it seems like she is on the right track. I do recommend the book, but it is not for those who like their reality sugar coated.

You will love it, you will hate it, you will even despair, but no matter how you feel, you will be in thrall of this young woman's life and how she turns it around. She was born to a drug-addicted mother who, incredibly, turned her daughter into one as well when she was a teen. Ruta is well into her 20's when she comes to realize that she needs to change her life into one without addiction and without her mother.

This is quite a read!