Summary and Reviews of Spinster by Kate Bolick

1
There, Thought Unbraids Itself

Whom to marry, and when will it happen—these two questions define every woman's existence, regardless of where she was raised or what religion she does or doesn't practice. She may grow up to love women instead of men, or to decide she simply doesn't believe in marriage. No matter. These dual contingencies govern her until they're answered, even if the answers are nobody and never.

Men have their own problems; this isn't one of them.

Initially the question of whom to marry presents itself as playacting, a child pulling a Snow White dress from a costume box and warbling the lyrics of "Someday My Prince Will Come" to her imaginary audience of soft-bottomed dwarfs. Beauty, she's gleaned, is her power and lure, a handsome groom her just reward.

Next she deduces that a flammable polyester gown with tulle underskirts does not an actual princess make, and that beauty is in the eye of the beholder—which is to say, ...

Please be aware that this discussion guide will contain spoilers!

1. Spinster opens with the following statement: "Whom to marry, and when will it happen—these two questions define every woman's existence." Do you find this to be true in your own life? If so, how have you navigated these expectations?
   


2. On the pressure to marry, Bolick believes, "Men have their own problems; this isn't one of them." Do you agree? Why or why not?
   


3. Edith Wharton coined the term awakeners, "to describe the books and thinkers who'd guided her intellectual studies." One of Bolick's goals is to inspire women and men to find their own awakeners. In your own life, who would your awakeners be?
   


4. Bolick writes, "The single woman has always been ...

Please be aware that this discussion may contain spoilers!

Here are some of the comments posted about Spinster in our legacy forum.
You can see the full discussion here.


Are there solitary activities that you love? Are they necessary to your happiness?
I need solitude. Quiet. Books. Sexual intimacy with my husband of 40+ years. The knowledge of my daughter's safety, independence. Conversations with my son who left this realm more than 20 years ago. Continued curiosity. Not all solitary, ... - cb

Bolick's relationship with R creates a crossroad in her life. Have you ever had to make a similar choice? If you were in this position, what would you do?
No. - suzanner

Consider Bolick's five awakeners. Which of these women inspired you most and why?
I enjoyed reading about these five women. They were the substance of the book. I have always admired Edith Wharton's writing. Lacking a big familiarity with Edna St. Vincent Millay's poetry, this book has steered me into reading her works with ... - suzanner

Do you think individuals can grow to reach their full potential while in a relationship? Is romantic solitude necessary for personal growth?
To grow individually inside a relationship? Often a slower, though possible, process. In the mother/spouse role, I gave to much to realize I was being stunted by that giving. Needed balance. As I make my way down the "other side of the hill, I find... - cb

Each of Bolick's awakeners marry at some point in their lives, yet Bolick maintains that they are spinsters. Ultimately, what do you think makes someone a spinster?
I am a widow of a decade-plus. I married late, 37, and never thought of myself as a spinster. As an unmarried woman in my 30s I was starting to think my wedding ship had sailed, but never thought of myself as single by choice. I'd have married if ... - Pepper