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How to Be a Woman in the Age of Mortification
by Melissa Petro
In the spirit of Rebecca Traister's Good and Mad and Roxane Gay's Bad Feminist comes a courageous, in-depth investigation into the modern epidemic of shame in our society—what it is, why women are uniquely susceptible, and how we can shift the shame off our plates and live our best lives in an over-exposed, image-obsessed world.
For millions of women, shame is a vicious predator. It tells us we are less than, that we are unworthy. We try everything to escape shame—ignoring it, intellectualizing it, and even, ironically, shaming ourselves for feeling it. The reality is that women experience shame more frequently and more intensely than men—a direct result, as acclaimed journalist Melissa Petro explains, of a patriarchal culture that "urges women to feel bad about themselves, and then punishes them when they do." Why can't we figure out how to break the shame cycle once and for all?
In Shame on You, Petro takes on the issue of women's shame directly with an unflinching look at the social systems that encourage women to believe we are deeply inadequate. From shame's beginnings ( Maybe she's born with it? Nope, it's misogyny.) to its effect on our lives as adults (How the humiliation of "bad women" affects us all.), shame poisons our friendships, romantic relationships, and work lives. But it doesn't have to be that way. Blending investigative reporting, science, literature, and hundreds of women's personal stories—including her own shameful account of winding up as an unwitting New York Post cover girl—Petro offers us a new way forward. No matter what you do, she explains, there is no escaping being judged. And yet, the women we can become—sometimes as a consequence of shame, rather than in spite of it—are powerful indeed. And maybe that's what others are afraid of.
"Equal parts self-help, memoir and social investigation, Petro's triumphant debut methodically presents how shame has pervaded almost every aspect of our lives, and offers up ways to free ourselves from it…Petro invites us to get 'quiet and curious' in our efforts to flush shame into the light and challenge its control over our lives." —BookPage (starred review)
"A memoir and guidebook about recovering from shame…Petro's primary qualifications are her experiences, dogged curiosity, and commitment to spreading compassion and understanding about shame and its many ramifications in the lives of women. An earnest and sincere book fueled by a clear belief in sharing as a means of catharsis." —Kirkus Reviews
" While the interspersed bits of autobiography are vivid, the overall effect is unfocused. The result is an intriguing but undercooked analysis of a complex emotion." —Publishers Weekly
"Equal parts memoir and investigative reporting, Melissa Petro's debut dives deep into unpacking how a single emotion can permeate so much of our lives. I rarely refer to nonfiction books as 'page-turners' but Shame on You is exactly that. If you enjoy the work of Jia Tolentino, Roxane Gay, and Rebecca Traister, this is an absolute must-read." —Bustle
"Melissa Petro writes so honestly and beautifully about the experiences and feelings that the world teaches women to bury. Here, she's going deeper, unafraid to explore the rawest corners of blame and suppression. I feel sure this will be the exact book that women need." —Jia Tolentino, author of Trick Mirror
"A candid, assured debut that demonstrates the insight, authority, and resiliency that can be wrought from even the most excoriating experiences. Petro is a wise and humane guide who has performed that alchemy and is generous with her findings." —Melissa Febos, author of Girlhood, winner of the National Book Critics Circle Award in Criticism
"Compassionately reported and personally resonant. Shame on You exposes the dark inner voice of shame that tells us we're irredeemable, then reveals where we learned those awful scripts in the first place, giving us the power to write our own redemptive narrative at last. Beyond understanding shame, Shame on You hands readers a roadmap for reclaiming their identity from the grips of shame." —Gemma Hartley, author of Fed Up
This information about Shame on You was first featured
in "The BookBrowse Review" - BookBrowse's membership magazine, and in our weekly "Publishing This Week" newsletter. Publication information is for the USA, and (unless stated otherwise) represents the first print edition. The reviews are necessarily limited to those that were available to us ahead of publication. If you are the publisher or author and feel that they do not properly reflect the range of media opinion now available, send us a message with the mainstream reviews that you would like to see added.
Any "Author Information" displayed below reflects the author's biography at the time this particular book was published.
Melissa Petro is a journalist whose writing has been featured in The Washington Post, Allure, Cosmopolitan, Rolling Stone, Good Housekeeping, The Guardian, InStyle, and many other national publications. She was a finalist for the PEN/Fusion Emerging Writers Prize, and she holds a bachelor in Women's Studies from Antioch and an MFA in Creative Nonfiction from The New School. She lives with her husband and two young children in Upstate New York.
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