Why do you think Lucy invented a mother?

Why do you think Lucy invented a mother? What does this say about how we deal with trauma in the past?

As I recall from the earlier Lucy novels, her mother was abusive and withheld the love a child so desperately needs. I think the adult Lucy, through life’s experiences, therapy, motherhood herself and literary success make her a survivor yet she never fully heals from the lack of a mother’s love. It’s the wounded child very much alive who still needs a real “good” mother. In times of sadness and fear, Lucy turns to this imaginary mother to help her survive.

Lucy invented a "nice Mother" because her real Mother was horrible. She wished she had had a kind and loving Mother.

Lucy’s mother was violent. Lucy needed to invent a nice mother to get her through her life and especially through tough times.

So she could hear her own, sane voice!

Although I haven't read the other Lucy books, in this one she mentions the really strained relationship she had with her mom. As a mother herself, Lucy seems to struggle with how and when to connect with her daughters. I thought that it seemed natural for Lucy to invent a kinder, gentler mother when even at her age she finds herself in a "new world" of turmoil, upheaval, and uncertain future. I think it is an instinct of sorts to reach out to the maternal love and warmth we all crave in times of trouble.

Lucy continues to work through her wish/need for the perfect mother by inventing a good mother to turn to, in times of trouble. This seems to work as a healthy self-help strategy because Lucy always identifies that voice as the mother she has invented, while at the same time, remembers her actual mother in considerable detail. She uses these two mothers to help her navigate her life, but the good mother probably gives her the courage, and space, to think about actual events with her real mother. By doing this, she can recall helpful guidance that she received from her real mother, like everyone needs to feel important. Lucy doesn’t have to demonize completely the memory of her mother in order to survive the difficult memories because her invented mother is always ready to encourage her.

I think it was a survival technique for Lucy. The human brain can be incredibly adaptive in response to a toxic upbringing.

Lucy did not feel like she had a loving, nurturing childhood. I think she invented a mother that she felt would have been a more ideal mother. My mother was much the same as Lucy’s and although she took excellent care of me, and had wonderful food and a clean house, there was no nurturing. I struggled with the same thoughts as Lucy but as I’ve grown older, I realize my mother did the best she could do and I love her for that.

Those who suffer abuse at the hands of others, especially children, carry the negative messaging and hurt with them for a long time-some are never completely able to quiet the harmful self talk. Lucy's has an invented mother, or inner voice that nurtures her instead of tears her down. The invented mother serves to change the messaging in Lucy's head. I think the invented mother reminds Lucy of what she has learned since leaving her mother, so she can look for productive solutions to her problems. I also see this as a way Lucy acknowledges her inner child, the one who missed out on nurturing, calm, and love. This is a way for Lucy to be gentle with herself.

It was obvious that she was invented to give her a mother to confide in and get advice from. The whole theme was tedious after awhile as she kept re-explaining it was her invented mother...

Just like people develop multiple personalities to cope with a horrible situation, Lucy invented a “nice Mother” as a coping mechanism to deal with her abusive Mother.

I agree with many of the observations made in prior posts related to why Lucy invented a "nice mother". Elizabeth Strout uses a conversational style in her Lucy books starting with "My Name is Lucy Barton". It's like the author is letting us inside Lucy's own mind as she talks to herself and explains experiences and feelings to herself (her internal dialogue). When Lucy talks to her "nice mother" she is acknowledging she knows the answers she seeks/wants from a mother are not the answers she would get from her "real" mother.

I agree with those that said she did it for survival. The abused past would be difficult to revisit frequently. However I am not sure how often this sort of thing happens in reality.. Abused children often still love their parents and strive for recognition and love despite the abuse.

I agree that Lucy used it as a way to cope with hard situations. In effect, she was talking to herself.

For Lucy inventing a “good mother” was definitely a coping mechanism. Her self taking put her into survival mode and made her feel better.

There are bad mothers, worse mothers and then there is Lucy’s mother. I think Lucy invented a mother for herself as a coping mechanism, and a survival technique and maybe just a little bit of sticking it to the memory of her mother. My opinion is good for you Lucy! You go girl!!

As a coping mechanism, created the one she wished for

The depth of her loneliness really surfaced here. Loneliness can be associated with the drive to find connection, and inventing a mother she could connect with in her mind gave her some level of peace.

We all need a mother, whether it is a neighbor, a friend's mother when we are growing up or one we find in religion. Lucy creates her "nice" mother when she needs advice and wants a sounding board for what she knows is the right thing. It almost acts as a confirmation for what she knows is right, but she always has that little bit of self-doubt. Lucy never refers to her nice mother without also mentioning her real mother. She knows and cannot forget what her real mother would have done. We don't forget the trauma but find a way to exist and live with it, even if it is make believe.

Absolutely for survival. While I'm not a psychologist, it seems to be a common coping mechanism for someone to invent things/people/places/personalities in order to survive a horrific ordeal.

Lucy invented the mother she never had as a way of feeling love, acceptance, and affirmation. It's an effective survival technique! Psychologists talk about eradicating "old tapes" or "old voices" from our psyches, and replacing them with healthy, supportive, affirming messages. It's precisely the same thing. My mother thought she was helping me when she told me, "You'd be so pretty if only you lost weight." Sounds abusive, doesn't it? It was a cruel thing to say, no matter how you look at it, but believe me, she said it from a place of love in an attempt to help me. She just lacked the ability to say something like, "You are beautiful just the way you are, no matter what size you wear or how much you weigh. I want you to be healthy and happy." So I had to learn to tell myself that & believe it. Unlike Lucy, I never pretended messages came from my mother. I just forgave her and told myself the things I needed to hear as I worked to undo the damage she did to my ego and self-concept when I was young. The difference is that Lucy needed to create a loving mother because the abuse she endure from a mother who was clearly mentally ill was so horrific. For her, replacing her mother altogether was an effective approach.