Why do you think there is so much focus on women’s appearances? Do you feel pressured to look a certain way?

Why do you think there is so much focus on women’s appearances? Do you feel pressured to look a certain way?

This really is a complex question, and there are so many different ways to think about it…

Does the pressure come from men as a way to distract women and keep them focused on less important things? Does it come from other women as a way to compensate for their own lack of confidence? Is it all about companies wanting to make money?

As mentioned in another comment stream, there is a part of me that is a little concerned with what others think of me. For the most part, that has never been about how I look-it is more that I want to be seen as a “nice” person. In terms of how I look, my attitude is how am I best taking care of myself? Are my clothes clean? Am I comfortable? Am I moisturizing? Do I exercise everyday so I feel good? Do I like the stripe of gray in my hair? I think this is a pretty good attitude-to think of how I am treating myself physically. Now if I could just use that same thinking on the other stuff! If I said no to others more often, I might have more time for manicures, pedicures, Botox treatments, and facials! Haha

It is very expensive to meet the standards that society has set for women!

Books and doctoral dissertations have been written trying to answer this question! The reason are so complex and intertwined that it’s difficult to sort them out. Historically we have women on a pedestal as the patient long suffering wife who must always be beautiful. While the image has changed with the times, I worry for today’s young women and the constant bombardment from social media has done little to help. Ultimately each woman must chart her own course.

Some people are quick to make a first judgement of someone based on appearance, for both males and females. Why is this? I myself have always tried to portray a neat and clean person, wearing makeup all the time (although minimal) and just dressing nicely. Once the pandemic hit and no one was going anywhere, I slowly slipped into no makeup unless going somewhere important, and then when I retired a year into the pandemic I pretty much stopped wearing it at all except for special events. I realized that my husband never noticed whether I wore it or not, and since I'm not trying to impress anyone else it didn't matter. I still try not to worry what others think when they look at me, but sometimes in social situations I still wonder..... But at least as I've aged I feel much less pressure to look a certain way.

Women still experience this pressure so much more than men do. I think women are also conditioned to compare themselves, usually unfavorably, to other women. It's rare to find women who are truly confident about their appearance.

Volumes have been written about this topic. My perspective: For some reason, probably societal, women are held to a higher standard for outward beautiful. I have the same “romantic comedy” situation in my family. A female cousin who is gorgeous engaged to a financial wizard who is less than handsome. My family seems to be waiting for the other shoe to drop. To me they seem like a well-balanced couple.
I feel pressured to look “put together” but not necessarily top-notched.

Definitely so much pressure to look good! I’m a jeans and t-shirt girl and I do feel the pressure to dress up and look good because some of my friends always look so out together and take fashion pretty serious. At my age I’m trying to not feel the pressure but yikes, it’s always there!

oh, please--I only wish there were a focus on appearance anywhere in today's culture--for men or women.

This is the real world. There is too much focus on women's appearances and it maddens me.

I hate this focus. Looks fade and change. Is the pressure to look your best based on our own desires or societal expectations? What really makes me angry are all the cosmetic procedures—Botox, fillers etc… that women are pressured to do to avoid aging gracefully and being comfortable with how we look. It is sad because many of these procedures are addictive and some women will never be happy with how they look.

I agree with you dorothyl! Especially now that Botox is being advertised as a way to prevent aging younger women are beginning to have injections. I think reality television fuels this as well. The programs often revolve around very self centered people with a lot of money and nothing much to do but to spend it. I am alarmed by the “trends” like bigger behinds and fuller lips. I’ve also read instances where women have had so many Botox injections, they are unable to make natural facial expressions.

A complete answer to this question would require years of study and the composition of a quite lengthy tome. Instead, I will focus on the contemporary issue, which is really the same one that has been in play throughout time: power. Reducing another person's value by focusing on and judging them on the basis of external factors (appearance) is an effort to constrain that person and wield power over them. And since most societies have always been patriarchies, it has historically been men clamoring for and holding on to power over women. Look no further than magazine covers, television shows, movies, etc. to see it play out. The biggest hit on Netflix right now is Bridgerton. And what's the story about? Penelope, considered an awkward, ugly duckling who is too unattractive to catch a man even though she is intelligent, witty, and, known to only her former best friend, Eloise, a successful gossip author. Colin, her good friend and confidante, with whom she has secretly been in love for years, is handsome, charming, from the best family, and no one could possibly imagine her ensnaring him in marriage. Of course, she's going to and the message is going to be that even the unattractive girl can win the man with her wit, charm, and good heart. And THAT is coming from Shonda Rhimes, one of the most progressive and successful producers today. And the message is considered a feminist one!!

And as a woman, I have of course felt pressure to look and present myself to the world in particular ways. I have battled my weight my whole life and had to conform in other ways, not to snag a husband but to succeed professionally, for example. Especially as a licensed professional (attorney) working in the 3rd largest law enforcement agency in the U.S., I had to learn not to be too assertive, too loud, too enthusiastic. Working with mostly male peace officers, I had to weasel, plot, connive, sweet-talk, and compliment them to get them to take my advice -- even convincing them at times that what needed to be done was theiiiir idea. Misogyny is alive and well in the U.S. and getting worse, not better, as civil rights are not just threatened, but being rolled back. It's a scary time to be a woman in America and Romantic Comedy just touches the tip of that particular iceberg.

From the Egyptian royal courts to life in the Northwest of the USA, 2024 this topic still is discussed, arbitrated and followed. An example, I am attending my first Black Tie Wedding this summer and believe it or not have always been able to skate past it. Mind you, I have loved following fashion, getting dressed up (or down) for much anticipated events, but upon my search to find an "appropriate dress" I became involved in a Jonah and the Whale tussle to find such an outfit, that would both not raise eyebrows, nor question that I came from an economic background that could afford to dress well for such an event. In other words, these dresses don't come cheap.

Update May 24, 2024: I finally found (after looking at over 500 dresses and was strongly advised by my Nordstrom rep that black, navy or deep purple were the only acceptable colors for my age and station in life I found a beautiful skirt and elegant top to state to all that "yes, I had arrived".

I was surprised and annoyed, yet challenged to find that this is still an active, viable topic for women that they must address to navigate some current social occasions and expectations. At one point, my old hippie blood rose up and said "wear what you want, defy gravity and other's opinions. But cooler heads prevailed, and after some sensible alterations, I have an outfit I feel confident wearing but not feeling pressured to make sure that certain criteria are evident to honor my host and hostess and the bride.

Maybe that's why I loved reading this book so much. It's has it's charming and winsome side (like my search for the right dress) but challenged me to think deeper and reflect about some of the assumptions we still tussle with in 2024. I can heartily recommend this book to any for a good weekend read.