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Look on the Bright Side


From the author of Pack Up the Moon comes a funny, romantic, and moving novel ...
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Gerald explains he felt increasingly invisible and inconsequential after retirement. Do you sympathize with him? At one point, Ellie says she’s damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t. Did you relate to her feelings?

Created: 06/12/24

Replies: 16

Posted Jun. 12, 2024 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
kimk

Join Date: 10/16/10

Posts: 1160

Gerald explains he felt increasingly invisible and inconsequential after retirement. Do you sympathize with him? At one point, Ellie says she’s damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t. Did you relate to her feelings?

Many marriages change after retirement. Gerald explains how after his retirement he felt increasingly invisible and inconsequential in the face of Ellie’s continued success. Do you sympathize with him? At one point, Ellie says she’s damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t. Did you relate to her feelings?


Posted Jun. 13, 2024 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
conniehg

Join Date: 04/12/24

Posts: 20

RE: Gerald explains he felt increasingly...

I can see how Gerald can feel invisible in his marriage to Ellie, and I do sympathize with him. Ellie has a lot of talents, and Gerald got hurt on the job and is unable to continue working. Now he doesn't know what to do with himself. With all the kids gone and now just the two of them alone, they are struggling to relate to each other.


Posted Jun. 13, 2024 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
angelacp

Join Date: 07/08/22

Posts: 2

RE: Gerald explains he felt increasingly...

I was very mad at Gerald and I think the fact that he hid the iPad made the situation so much worse. I related to Ellie that it was such a betrayal.


Posted Jun. 13, 2024 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
angelacp

Join Date: 07/08/22

Posts: 2

RE: Gerald explains he felt increasingly...

I will add that Gerald's way of correcting his huge mistake was correct. Made me hope Ellie would forgive and try to work it out.


Posted Jun. 13, 2024 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
carriem

Join Date: 10/19/20

Posts: 266

RE: Gerald explains he felt increasingly...

Marriages can change after retirement especially if forced to do so but Gerald's conduct was not called for because Ellie was willing to support him adjust to retirement. But he realized his error and did correct his mistake.


Posted Jun. 13, 2024 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Lyris

Join Date: 02/09/23

Posts: 126

RE: Gerald explains he felt increasingly...

Gerald didn't tell Ellie the seriousness of his back issue - that he couldn't physically do the chores she wanted done. He didn't intentionally retire, he was forced into it and he felt like he lost meaning. Then Camille came into the picture and he felt alive again. He did stop short of furthering the affair.

On the other hand, Ellie was blindsided by finding out about Camille. He'd lied to her and he disrespected her in texts to Camille. I can see why she would need time to trust him again.


Posted Jun. 14, 2024 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Gabi

Join Date: 02/22/21

Posts: 111

RE: Gerald explains he felt increasingly...

While I can appreciate the perspectives of both spouses in this relationship, I empathize more with Ellie. Gerald’s feelings, albeit understandable, do not excuse his behavior. He is an adult and he acted like an immature teenager. Yes, he may have put an end to the relationship but no gold star for him - it should have never started. Ellie’s reaction was totally justified and she was in a “no win” situation.


Posted Jun. 14, 2024 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
ScribblingScribe

Join Date: 02/29/16

Posts: 236

RE: Gerald explains he felt increasingly...

I can see why Gerald felt that way, but his method of dealing with it was so inappropriate. I felt for Ellie who was damned either way. Either she worked hard and was branded as cold or she let the family down. There were no right answers for her according to the texts on the iPad.


Posted Jun. 16, 2024 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
gvieth

Join Date: 02/26/21

Posts: 72

RE: Gerald explains he felt increasingly...

I think people can lose their identity and sense of worth and usefulness when they retire, but that doesn’t excuse what he did. I agree with Scribbling Scribe about Ellie.


Posted Jun. 18, 2024 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
susanr

Join Date: 04/14/11

Posts: 222

RE: Gerald explains he felt increasingly...

I think that retirement is what you make of it. Some people do nothing and wonder why they're not happy. Other people embrace these years -- they volunteer, travel and enjoy life. Even though Gerald had a health issue -- he could have spent his retirement time doing something positive with his life


Posted Jun. 18, 2024 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Sooz

Join Date: 07/29/14

Posts: 68

RE: Gerald explains he felt increasingly...

Gerald made the wrong choice on how to handle his retirement by his correspondence with Camille. I feel he was wrong and I don't blame Ellie for her reaction to it.


Posted Jun. 22, 2024 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
barb23703

Join Date: 10/04/15

Posts: 129

RE: Gerald explains he felt increasingly...

As we age, society does tend to see us as irrelevant. It takes maturity and self-awareness to navigate those feeling of isolation and that our best days may be behind us. And Ellie's feelings are often present in long marriages. Both of these could have been handles with better communication and working together to set reasonable expectations and boundaries.


Posted Jun. 23, 2024 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
sylviaann

Join Date: 01/14/18

Posts: 83

RE: Gerald explains he felt increasingly...

I can understand how they both feel. I'm still working and my husband retired a year ago. He's having a tough time (not having an affair) but feeling invisible.


Posted Jul. 02, 2024 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
JHSiess

Join Date: 06/12/22

Posts: 123

RE: Gerald explains he felt increasingly...

Gerald did not retire voluntarily. He was injured and unable to do the things he wanted to do, including completing projects around the house. While he was feeling less than at his best, Ellie had to work in order to sustain them financially. Both were absorbed in their own internal struggles and they were not communicating. Gerald was embarrassed, ashamed, and prideful, not wanting to admit to Ellie how ineffectual he felt. Ellie felt that Gerald was ignoring her requests that he take better care of the home, given that she was working at the gallery. Neither one of them was really seeing or hearing the other. I empathize with both of them because for each of them, their feelings were real and, from their perspectives, justified. (However, Gerald's behavior was not.) I definitely relate to Ellie's dilemma since I am a professional woman and I worked many long hours while raising children, caring for aging parents, etc. And there were times when my boys' father simply did not appreciate that my obligations (I was the primary breadwinner) and responsibilities outweighed his. Like Gerald, he didn't pull his weight around the house (and not due to injury). He thought he was contributing equally, but it wasn't even close. It's a common issue.


Posted Jul. 03, 2024 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Marcia S

Join Date: 02/08/16

Posts: 537

RE: Gerald explains he felt increasingly...

I had empathy for both of them. Gerald trying to rekindle an old love was wrong, but he didn’t carry through with it. Ellie was very wrapped up in her store and didn’t understand the loss Gerald was experiencing in regard to his sense of self worth. I think they both needed the break and needed to learn to reconnect through honest communication.


Posted Jul. 05, 2024 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
MimiJo

Join Date: 02/28/20

Posts: 34

RE: Gerald explains he felt increasingly...

In some ways Gerald was dealing with a wife who had a lot of talent and made most of the money to support the family. He made a big mistake in what he did, hiding his iPad and not being truthful even to himself. Ellie did the right thing in leaving him to stay at Joy's. You could see the outcome of all this, though.


Posted Jul. 08, 2024 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
marks

Join Date: 02/25/19

Posts: 124

RE: Gerald explains he felt increasingly...

I can understand why Gerald felt the way he did, but I did not sympathize with him at all. Not sure how you earn back someone's trust after a betrayal like. I do, unfortunately, think this is relatively common. Marriages definitely change (not suggesting good or bad) at certain stages in life (i.e., empty nest, retirement, etc.). A friend of mine used to introduce his only wife as his "first wife" at parties to spark that exact conversation.


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