Do you think Gerald and Ellie have a "perfect" marriage? What’s good and what’s bad about it? What kind of pressure might come from being seen this way by their kids, friends, and acquaintances?

Gerald and Ellie are known by everyone for having a “perfect” marriage. Do you think they do? What’s good and what’s bad about it? What kind of pressure might come from being seen this way by their kids, friends, and acquaintances?

What is a perfect marriage? It appeared to others that they were perfect in their relationship but the book reveals the cracks. Everyone has flaws and brings them into their relationships. Reality enters and drives what happens. How serious is one's commitment and how honest and open is the couple's communication? One can't be selfish and/or not communicate and expect perfection. I think perfectionism is unattainable, especially with people.

I think on the outside Gerald and Ellie displayed the perfect married couple, but on the inside there was some tension going on. Ellie kept a lot of her frustrations about Gerald to herself, but you could see it building. However, I don't think Ellie ever noticed any problems that Gerald was having in the marriage. I think she was blindsided by Gerald's unhappiness.

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. But they do seem to have an enviable one...until he strays. Even so, you can see the love between them and the wonderful life and family they have built. I think all marriages need more honesty and communication to survive, but it's easy to let that slide in the stress and activity of daily life. Ellie and Gerald certainly fell into that category. But their marriage was one to save.

I’ve never been married, but I can’t imagine there’s a perfect relationship out there. Theirs seemed pretty good. They loved each other and were still attracted to each other after many years, but it seems like they might have been lacking in communication. It doesn’t seem like they felt a lot of pressure to have the perfect relationship - I think that just came pretty naturally to them.

I think this is example of a "Perfect" relationship and family realizing that cracks can and do happen. Ellie wasn't there for Gerald when he retired and communication didn't take place. Having what everyone views as a perfect marriage would be a lot of pressure and they fell into "just living" and not relating. Their marriage, however, has a future. This part of the book was so very real, as were many human reactions in the characters throughout the book. Kristan Higgins knows what it's like to be human and deal with the minutiae of relationships.

I agree there is no such thing as a “perfect marriage “ but theirs was good from the perspective of others looking on. After being together for a long time, I think their communication suffered. Also, I think Ellie felt that she was taken for granted and Gerald wasn’t honest about his feelings of retirement.

I think every marriage has its ups and downs. How we manage the rough spots is a key to happy times returning. Knowing how to communicate is essential. We sometimes don't listen to our partners even though we are hearing the words. I was glad Ellie and Gerald were able to resolve their issues rather than throw away their marriage. Have there been more good days than bad? If yes, work together and save your marriage.

A perfect marriage is a misnomer, and the word perfect should not be attached to any marriage. Unions of two people are unique, and both members of the union should constantly try to improve themselves within the marriage, but being perfect is not necessary.

The pressure to be "perfect" is too much for anyone to bear, individually or as a couple, because it is unrealistic. NO relationship is ever perfect, although Ellie and Gerald certainly had a happy marriage for many years. All couples face rough times and retirement is a time in one's life that is both joyous and frequently fraught because it is a major change/transition. I recall distinctly when my father retired and I showed up to find my parents annoyed with each other. The problem? My mother was, like so many women of that era, a stay-at-home wife and mother, used to having the house to herself & maintaining the home as she saw fit. Suddenly, my father no longer left 5 days per week. He was home ALL the time, and began telling her how she should do things around the house. It did NOT go over well. When I realized that I had walked into that turmoil, I walked right back out the door, telling them to work it out but I wasn't getting into the middle of it or taking sides. It took them a few months, but they settled into a new routine.

Ellie and Gerald were lucky that their relationship was mostly sooth and easy for many years, but they eventually found a subject about which they were unable to communicate effectively and did not handle it well. Gerald made a mistake that too many spouses make, complaining to an outsider about his wife and looking for attention/validation from another woman. He was a decent, family-oriented man who made a mistake and Ellie had every right to be furious. After considering the circumstances, she maturely listened and accepted her role in the conflict. I found the storyline believable and felt compassion for both characters.

The concept of a perfect marriage is not one I could possibly define in a sentence, but then again, I usually question anything that is described as perfect. To me, the closest thing to a perfect marriage would be one in which both people understand that whatever might feel perfect today won't necessarily feel perfect tomorrow. People change. Life changes. Wanting to experiences all of those changes with the same person is pretty close to perfect. It's been working for my wife and I for the last 32 years.