Do you think Gerald’s emotional affair is forgivable? Is Ellie justified in her anger and sense of betrayal? How would you react if you found your partner had been having a similar interaction with someone?

Do you think Gerald’s emotional affair is forgivable? Is Ellie justified in her anger and sense of betrayal? How would you react if you found your partner had been having a similar interaction with someone?

Ellie was justified to be hurt an angry. On the other side Gerald had lost his career and was lonely and a bit jealous of his wife's continuing career, although they needed it to make ends meet. I think he was a bit lost and wanted assurance that he was still worthy. He realized it was wrong and went no further than one meeting, with no sex. Perhaps he should have come forward with the information himself although that probably wouldn't have made it any easier for Ellie. She needed to rediscover who she really was and learn to put her needs first again. I'm glad they stayed together having both learned some lessons.

I do think that Gerald's emotional affair is forgivable. However, I can see why Ellie was hurt and angry about Gerald's betrayal. I think what hurt her the most is that Gerald was communicating negative statements about Ellie to the person he was flirting with. Their back-and-forth discussions about Ellie made her sound like a cold person. I would feel the same way if I experienced this type of transgression.

I’m really not sure. I would feel so betrayed. I would hope my partner would talk to me about his feelings before sharing them with someone else.

I think Ellie was completely justified in her anger. Not only had Gerald emotionally cheated on her, but he spoke badly about her at the same time. This both undercut her trust in his love and his fidelity. I think she was right to seek distance to address her own feelings and make clear the depth of the betrayal. I also think she was right, in the end, to forgive him since he had ended it himself without straying too far.

I think an emotional affair is just as unforgivable as a physical affair.

I do think Ellie was justified in being hurt and angry. I think there were a lot of things going on in their marriage that they were obviously not communicating about. I would be mad if my partner did something like that.

Elliewas justified in her anger. The emotional affair betrayed her on a deeper level than a physical affair could have as emotional depth drives a loving relationship. Robert gave her sound advice to follow, especially coming from a father-in-law on her side.

I felt that Ellie was justified in feeling angry and hurt. I think it's good that the affair was not physical, but the fact that Gerald talked negatively about Ellie is unacceptable. It is unfortunate that he could not or would not talk to Ellie.

Ellie is totally justified in feeling hurt and angry over the emotional affair especially once she saw how poorly he spoke of her. If he truly loved Ellie he shouldn't have been saying negative things about her. Makes me think he was saying those things to make himself feel better for even having this type of relationship with this old school mate

Ellie was justified her anger, and Gerald betrayed her by speaking badly of her to someone else and sneaking around to meet her. I thought the wallowing of Ellie and the miscommunications went a bit long. There were obviously many issues that needed to be discussed and harbored resentments that needed to be addressed and communicated, so they were both ignoring each others needs.

I understand how she must have felt when she learned her husband betrayed her. However I also understand how easily it could happen. And let's not forget he ended it way before she discovered the affair. If a couple is able to work through it then they can become stronger going through something like this. I wouldn't advise it however as a couples therapist I know it's possible.

Ellie's hurt and anger were completely justified. Gerald betrayed her, their marriage, and the family. The worst part was the way he spoke about Ellie to the other woman, complaining about her to get attention and sympathy. Gerald was going through a rough emotional time, but he turned into such a cliche and a disappointment, especially after so many years being happily married. Ellie demonstrated maturity, insight, and compassion, and was willing to be accountable for her own behavior & failure to perceive that something was very wrong with Gerald. But he is a grown man and should have communicated. He let pride get in the way of taking the steps necessary to honor Ellie and strive to keep their marriage on track. Could I forgive his betrayal? I don't know, honestly. It would be extremely difficult. I admire Ellie for being able to do so. But, as she noted, they had been together for 40 years and she wasn't ready to throw the life they built together away.

I might lean toward it being forgivable but not forgettable. The violation of trust exists whether it was emotional or physical, but I found myself more disturbed by the fiction Gerald created about Elle's treatment of him.

Like others here, I think Gerald's betrayal was real, and my heart was with Ellie as she suffered. Gerald was in a difficult place, having recently retired, but he showed immaturity, selfishness, and poor judgment, and his interpretation of his position and Ellie's behavior was very one-sided. And yet . . . he came to his senses and stopped before the emotional affair progressed to something more. While I do think it may be appropriate, at least sometimes, not to burden a partner with one's own misdeeds, and in that sense Gerald may have been acting kindly to keep his actions secret, it must have been especially hard for Ellie to discover accidentally what Gerald had done. I understand completely why she was so upset, and in her position, I imagine that I would feel very much as she did. She showed wisdom, maturity, and grace in forgiving him and moving forward. And he also showed true remorse. Yes, his actions were forgivable in theory, but it must have been hard for Ellie to get to the point of being able to forgive him genuinely, and I admire her for doing the work to get there. The strong foundation of their relationship did give them a degree of history and trust to help them move forward after his lapse.