Each character—and Yunxian’s relationship to that person—changes and evolves over time. How does Yunxian come to see and understand the characters of Miss Zhao, Miss Chen, Lady Kuo, Doctor Wong, and her husband and father?

Each character—and Yunxian’s relationship to that person—changes and evolves over time. How does Yunxian come to see and understand the characters of Miss Zhao, Miss Chen, Lady Kuo, Doctor Wong, and her husband and father?

It is interesting that Yunxian misjudges most of these characters at first because of her own insecurities and lack of experience (especially since she loses her mother and is married off so young). With experience she is able to do what we learn with maturity--to put herself in their shoes--and she realizes that the characters that she may have resented are "stuck" in their own situations--like Miss Zhao whose role is more restricted than Yunxian's but who steps up to be a mentor and mother for her.

Yunxian because of the controlled environment she was growing up in which included how to view other people in her society including Miss Zhao, Miss Chen, Lady Kuo, Doctor Wong, and her husband and father but as she matured and came to have self-respect and self-confidence she came to her views of these individuals and respected them for her reasons and in turn mutual respect and dependence occurred.

Yunxian's relationship with all of these characters changed over time. Society has mandated how their relationships need to be, but as Yunxian matures she begins to see these people in a different way and allows herself to relate to them more as individuals rather than social status. Still, gender seemed to override everything. Being female in a male-worshipped society was accepted by Yunxian, and everyone, without challenge, so that also limited their relationships.

I agree with Barbettet - understanding of the other women’s actual circumstances comes with maturity. All the women were stuck in roles that the patriarchal society had put/kept them in.
The one character’s actions that took her by surprise was her maid Poppy. Yunxian assumed Poppy would be loyal to her above all else, but Poppy was a servant and was required/forced to obey the Master of whose house she lived in. It hurt her deeply when Poppy betrayed her, but eventually she understood the dynamics and impossible position Poppy had been put in and how much pain it had caused Poppy.

Respectful Lady reminds Yunxian that in a patriarchal society, a woman's role is to give man heirs and feed, clothe,and amuse him, which puts me in mind of the male lobster theory, wherein male lobsters get tossed into a pot, they build a ladder to help each other try and escape, but female lobsters actually pull each other down. Rather than listen more to Miss Zhao and Miss Chen and encourage relationships, Ming dynasty society mandated the social structure, and so Yunxian accepted the fact that male heirs became the wife's child---not the concubine's---and if the concubine, Miss Chen for example, loses her beauty because of smallpox nodules, she is expelled from the Garden of Fragrant Delights with only the clothes on her back.

Yunxian's later maturity supports her change of heart toward the women in her life, where she sees the woman and not the caste.

I liked how the relationship between Yunxian and Miss Zhao evolved from one in which Yunxian resented Miss Zhao's presence as her Father's concubine to one in which Yunxian comes to love and respect Miss Zhao for her kindness and her teachings. The description of a concubine's role in an ancient Chinese household is fascinating. Their position is so tenuous. If they produce a son, they may have a secure place in the household. But they can still be shunted aside as was Miss Zhao when Respectful Lady died and she was sent to live with the Grandparents. If the man gets tired of the concubine or she loses her looks or does not produce a son, she may get cast out of the family. Miss Zhao is presented as an educated woman, very wise and kind and an important figure in the story of Yunxian. But the book also makes the point that her education and kindness aren't relevant to her main role which is to produce a son, and aren't important to Respectful Lady who dislikes her even on her death bed. Only as Yunxian matures does she begin to respect and appreciate Miss Zhao. I also liked how the author contrasts Miss Zhao with many of the other concubines who would be described today as "mean girls", while recognizing the precariousness of their lives.