Yunxian is constantly caught in a battle between familial duty and living a satisfying life. Does she succeed in doing both? Do you ever find yourself in situations where you feel torn between your duty to yourself and to others?

Yunxian is constantly caught in a battle between fulfilling her familial duties and living a life that satisfies her. Does she succeed in doing both? Do you ever find yourself in situations where you feel torn between your duty to yourself and to others?

Because she has the will, Yunxian succeeds to a limited extent in living a life that satisfies her. In spite of the restrictions imposed on her she actively pursues her relationship with Meiling after they are married, gets to see the outside world, attend the Dragon Boat Festival and practice her medical skills. Because she proves her worth to the women in her family, she gains their acceptance, even that of her mother-in-law.
When I was a Marine wife I had to ignore certain expectations because being a high school English teacher was the thing that brought me joy, even though moving around made it a challenge.

I think Yunxian did succeed in doing both but the journey was unimaginably complex and difficult, making this book one of the best I've read in several years. The inclusion and examples of so many cultural issues of the time and place created a deeply interesting and an educational experience for readers. I am now thinking about other cultures in other centuries and wondering about how the male to female medical issues were handled.

Like barbettet, my career was in education, eventually in administration, and I was often pulled in both directions and had to make sometimes painful choices. Now, looking out among friends and family who are retired and aging like me, I often reflect on the heavy weight that women seem to carry throughout life, especially as daughters, wives and mothers. Happily I note that my married grandchildren, both male and female, seem to better balance and share the responsibilities of home, career, couplehood and self.

It is not easy to have a career one is passionate about and also to raise a family and be present for them.
I have been a MD for over 36 years and the challenges, prejudices, slights mild and major , guilt for not being present physical e haustion, unreal expectations….i could go on and on. However, when you really want something you can make it work. It might look different from what you imagined early on but that is ok. Learn to forgive yourself. Your family will be resilient and will eventually be proud of you as a person, not just S their mom. If you don’t honor your passion, in my opinion, you will always have a degree of resentment.

Yunxian did find self-satisfaction in her succeeding both in the medical field and her family obligations especially given the confines imposed on women in that society during that time period. The author provides within the book an excellent overview of the roles of and expectations of men and women in different classes within society thus adding to the clarity of the struggles and wins of Yunxian. For myself I was fortunate that my family supported and encourage me to grow in the knowledge and demands in my career as a librarian.

I do think she found a balance for her at the time of this book. As a mother who works outside of the home, I also, have struggled trying to support my family financially while also trying to do all the responsibilities of being a good mother. It is was not easy for Yunxian and it is not easy for women today.

As so many have said Yunxian was able by force of will, hard work, persistence and with the help of her grandfather and grandmother to continue her medical career, and expand her life. However, she often notes how she feels torn and as if she is not being a good mother, and she worries about the effect her absences will have on her children. Her conflicts and struggles while perhaps more difficult than many of us have experienced, still echo our own struggles. As an educator and athletic trainer I had such a difficult time continuing my career after having my child. Education was one sphere but working as an athletic trainer and traveling with teams, attending on the sidelines and at practices being available at all hours was extremely difficult with a child and back then as a male dominated field there was no leeway and no accommodations were made. So you make choices and you do the best you can. I will say while I regret and resent being forced to choose, I do not regret nor resent the choice I made and I think that is all I could ask then. Now we must ask for and demand better. As women our windows of opportunity may be closing once again and I find this maddening and frightening. We must stand together to stop this backlash or I fear our daughters and granddaughters will find their lives more similar to Yunxian, than to our own .

Yunxian is constantly torn between what culturally she is expected to do and what she wants to do with her medical knowledge. The questions she often asks herself about being a good mother and wife while still wanting to pursue her medical calling ring true today with women. Women who pursue their careers face criticism as do women who stay at home to raise their children. Both choices are demanding and deserve respect.

I believe Yunxian did the best she could under the circumstances of her life. There were times of great distress in her life dealing with her fountain of medical knowledge,family mores, life and times of a women’s role in those times.
Every women can identify with the challenge of push/pull of life whether it’s as a stay at home career, a career outside home and juggling of family.
As an educator, I struggled with the imbalance of being unable to attend my own child’s important school events because school policy did not allow time off for an hour!! Just a frustration!! Examples of juggler managing guilty and time is a huge part!

I do think she found some semblance of balance. She adhered to cultural conventions, but continued to stretch herself to include the medicine that was so important to her. I think as woman, we all find ourselves in this position. How many of us needed to bipass employment opportunities because of family? I still feel that women are the primary caregivers. It takes real grit and motivation to succeed.

I think she did find a balance considering the time in which she lived. While many of us today have to balance work and family, it was more difficult for her.

She wanted balance and was finally able to achieve it to a degree, especially at the end in her golden years. It’s a blessing and a curse as the more I seek to make myself happy, the more it takes me away from my family. That said, I’m glad I have the time and opportunity to at least try!

I believe that this is a human condition that affects both men and women. The stages of our lives dictate our roles and responsibilities. Lisa See did an excellent job when she divided the stages of a woman's life in this book. Centuries later I could identify with her division of the years in a life. The push and pull of personal fulfillment and familial responsibilities definitely gets strongest during the years between childhood and senior years.