Why do you think Mance had such trouble accepting that his son is deaf, and why do you feel he was so reluctant to hold him? Why does this change at the end of the book?

Why do you think Mance had such trouble accepting that his son, Henry, is deaf, and why do you feel he was so reluctant to hold him? Why does this change at the end of the book, in your opinion?

While Mance loved Henry immediately, I think he had trouble bonding with him initially and feared that he couldn't be a good father. He had no experience with deafness and didn't know how to deal with it. Also, we are continually told how important sound was to Mance and the thought that Henry could not experience or share that frightened and depressed him.

When he had the money for the implants, he had hope that all would be well and was able to finally bond.

I agree with Lyris that he didn't see himself as a good father and perhaps he didn't want to get close to a child when he couldn't live up to that standard.

One fears what they don't know. Mance knew little about deafness and feared his son couldn't lead a complete life. He didn't know how to cope with it. Perhaps he felt more of a failure because his son was deaf. He did love Henry though and once he learned he could cope, he was all in.

I think it’s difficult for any parent to come to grips with a child’s disability. It’s especially difficult for fathers and sons. I believe that Mance felt that Henry’s deafness made him fragile so holding him was a challenge.

I think all parents want their children to be "perfect" and when a child has disabilities is easy to go to "self blame". Knowledge is power and when the understanding of he disability is understood then comes acceptance.

I do not feel that Harris fleshes this out enough for readers to understand the why. Perhaps Mance has trouble accepting "imperfection" and cannot accept a "flaw" in his offspring. Perhaps he feels that if he "holds" Henry, he will love him too much or he is not ready to commit to taking care of him and all the baby's needs. At the end, he does accept Henry and all that loving Henry and Lisha means.

I found it very sad that Mance didn't even want to hold his son at first. I agree with the concepts above - biological parents blaming themselves, feeling unsure how to relate to a baby that can not respond to a voice, worrying about the child's future when simply being a Black male might have its own challenges.

I think Mance had trouble holding Harris because Mance viewed the baby as a fragile, broken doll that he was afraid to damage further. Unfortunately many parents don't know what to do and are afraid that they will do something wrong with a child with a disability. As Marcia S said, I think the love was there and Mance will grow to accept the deafness and help Harris to live with it.

I also agree with Marcia. Fear of the unknown is very powerful and Mance not only feared connecting with Henry but also his own lack of control when he became angry.

Sound was everything to Mance and he was a listener - to the wind, the sound of sanding and even to his own solitary screams in frustration and anger. At his side after his father's death, Mance held his father and refused to let him go until the coroner arrived - a memory that he couldn't shake. Finally, Mance had lifelong injuries, especially to his hands and fingers, fingers that would probably never be able to sign correctly for his son. For all these reasons, Mance was frightened by the future his son would face, frightened at his own limitations to support him and initially unable to get past the strong memory of holding his father in order to hold his son. Once again, this book did not let us down. In the end, Mance is able to "Let it be," and begins to apply the self-knowledge he has gained to focus on the sound of Henry's laugh and to rebuild trust with his wife.

Having a disabled child is a shock. You're worried, are caught off guard, and not sure what the future holds. You know there are challenges ahead and worry that somehow you will not measure up as a parent.Mance had been in jail, had little money,and was sure he would mess up again, ( And he almost did). From personal experience, it's just not whar you expected and planned for. And you know that from the moment the child comes into your life, your life has changed.

Mance was physically strong and powerful with hands that had been strengthened, but injured, by hard work. He was also sensitive to sounds. I think he was intimidated by Henry’s tiny, vulnerable infant body.Henry”s deafness increased Mance’s fear of the unknown, fear that Henry could be easily hurt, fear that he might never be able to communicate with his son. Even more than most new parents, Mance realized that his life was forever changed by this helpless little person whose life was now in his parents’ hands.

Mance had used his hands to build things and also in violent ways. I don't think he knew what to do with a baby. I found his focus on Henry's laugh to be interesting. It seemed to calm Mance in times of stress. I although think that because of his difficulty in making his hands use sign language, he didn't know how he would communicate with his son. Once he had made peace with himself, it was easier for him to find room in his life for Henry even if he wasn't perfect.