Tokey feels like an outsider in her own family. Why do you suppose this is? Did you ever feel that way in your own family?

Tokey feels like an outsider in her own family. Why do you suppose this is? Did you ever feel that way in your own family?

The fact that she felt this - before she knew of her mother's belief that she wasn't King's - makes me think King didn't believe she was his either and the feeling of not belonging was communicated to her in some way.

King was a father with 4 small children whose wife has just died in childbirth. Remember the children didn't even know their mother had died, they thought she left them. In her discussion with Miss Jessie, it says "The King Tokey knew and loved was not the same as the King who had fallen in love with her mother. In her day, he was a father - hard, serious, heartbroken." I'm sure he didn't have a whole lot of time for any of his children trying to keep them fed and clothed. He expected that the kids would look after each other - CeCe in particular probably had to take care of Tokey and, no doubt, resented it. She also had no knowledge of who her mother was whereas the other children had memories of her. That definitely made her the outsider.

Tokey felt that she hadn't succeeded as her older siblings had. She was more introverted and felt out of place. Food had become a comfort for her and her weight limited her. She always felt that she didnt''t fit in.

As the youngest and as a girl, I think the only sibling she might have had a connection with was CeCe, and as someone else said, CeCe probably resented having to care for the infant. In addition, Tokey didn't look like her siblings, so she felt different in that respect as well. Plus, as the baby of the family, I imagine she was often left out of conversations and frequently ignored.

My sister and I used to joke that one of us had been adopted, LOL. Seriously, though, I did always feel like an outsider. I was an introvert and independent, and I felt very much that I didn't want to turn out like some of my family members. So perhaps I'm the one who encouraged the family to think of me as an outsider.

Growing up without a mother from the beginning would be very difficult. I'm agree her father was very busy working and providing for his large family and probably didn't have that "mothering" instinct. However I have seen many fathers that are excellent father and mother to their children. In this era, fathers were thought of as being the providers and the mothers were the ones to stay home and take care of the children. Perhaps Tokey was insecure because she didn't have mothering to make her feel secure in herself.

Tokey is physically "different" than her siblings. She discovers it is because she looks like her mother while her siblings resemble King. Also, I think Tokey is emotionally more in tune with her family and "feels" all the pain they refuse to admit. Junior, Mance and CeCe are strong and unyielding, like King. Tokey craves an emotional connection with her siblings and is instrumental in their coming together.

I think Tokey had a different experience of growing up since she never knew her mother. Also, as the only one looking like her mother rather than her father, she seemed different. I think, in families, there are often differences which make each of us feel apart and an outsider at times. As we talk now, I know as the oldest that I experienced our family life much differently than my youngest sister, 8 years younger. There are four of us and it is interesting to see how we each perceive the past differently at times. One of the keys to staying close, for us, is accepting that reality.

Tokey felt like an outsider as her childhood was sad and lonely, Food became comfort. She was embarrassed and ashamed. It didn't seem like any of the others looked out for her, even as an adult. I also have had conversations with my brother who is only 2 years younger, and you would think we grew up in different homes! Our childhoods were very different in our memories.

As others have mentioned, Tokey’s life experience was very different from her siblings. She never knew her mother and she did not look like her siblings. As the youngest, she stayed at home and cared for her father. She missed a nurturing mother figure and the closeness she felt when she and her siblings were young children. She used food to fill the emotional void.

I had three siblings and I am sure there were times when each of nuns felt like an outsider. The two eldest had very different childhoods from the two youngest in terms of financial status of the family, geography, independence, mobility and, of course, our own personalities and interests.

I felt like an outsider in my own family for my entire life. Everyone has different reasons for feeling that way, but I don't think it's especially unique.

Tokey grew up in different dynamics than did her siblings. I had the same experience. My siblings grew up with our dad in their lives, but I did not. Tokey was more introverted and did not have the drive that her siblings had. I was the opposite there. My siblings had no drive, while I was like Cece and could not wait to leave that little town behind.

Tokey’ way to deal with her perceived difference in the family led her to overeating. However that certainly didn’t help
Her feel more integrated in the family dynamics. I am an overeager but it had nothing to do with my famil. I was always loved and got along well with my sister.

Tokey is different! Each person has to make their own way. She is a homebody and will have to make peace with that.

Tokey never knew her mother, not even her name. She seemed to carry the most trauma and guilt about her mother "leaving". I didn't get any sense that she had any relationship with her father, she was just a presence in the house.

Tokey is far less successful than her siblings. The contrast which she perceives is an added burden to her life; her reliance on food as a "solution" is a common way to deal with life's problems. Many people find a salve to ease the hurts that life provides: food, drugs, alcohol. My heart goes out to this character in the story.