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Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 5
by Lemony SnicketViolet, Klaus, and Sunny are at first optimistic--attending school is a welcome change for the book-loving trio, and the academy is allegedly safe from the dreaded Count Olaf, who is after their fortune.
Dear Reader,
If you are looking for a story about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly
time at boarding school, look elsewhere. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire arc
intelligent and resourceful children, and you might expect that they would do
very well at school. Don't. For the Baudelaires, school turns out to be another
miserable episode in their unlucky lives.
Truth be told, within the chapters that make up this dreadful story, the
children will face snapping crabs, strict punishments, dripping fungus,
comprehensive exams, violin recitals, S.O.R.E., and the metric system.
It is my solemn duty to stay up all night researching and writing the history
of these three hapless youngsters, but you may be more comfortable getting a
good night's sleep. In that case, you should probably choose some other book.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
Chapter One
If you were going to give a gold medal to the least delightful person on
Earth, you would have to give that medal to a person named Carmelita Spats, and
if you didn't give it to her, Carmelita Spats was the sort of person who would
snatch it from your hands anyway. Carmelita Spats was rude, she was violent, and
she was filthy, and it is really a shame that I must describe her to you,
because there are enough ghastly and distressing things in this story without
even mentioning such an unpleasant person.
It is the Baudelaire orphans, thank goodness, who are the heroes of this
story, not the dreadful Carmelita Spats, and if you wanted to give a gold medal
to Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire, it would be for survival in the face of
adversity. Adversity is a word which here means "trouble," and there are
very few people in this world who have had the sort of troubling adversity that
follows these three children wherever they go. Their trouble began one ...
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